Habit

Chapter 12

The kiss said so many things that I couldn't wrap my mind around. It was our first kiss. Although she had invited me over that other time, we not once had our lips lock but something in the way they fused so well together in this moment, felt too destined. Too tender. Too soft,  to not have had a mutual effect afterward.

I grabbed her arms and removed them from my waist, only to get better control and turned us around so she'd be pinned against the wall. I was being rough, even if this wasn't the way I imagined our first kiss to be but she had to know how mad I was. I wrapped my arms around her waist and she put one on my chest while the other tangled in my hair. She played with my hair for a moment and stopped, but I didn't think much of it, not in this moment anyway.

My mind was racing, and just before the kiss was deepened, she pulled away. I looked at her, confusion staring into her eyes, and she looked at me before biting her lip. "I'm sorry." She whispered with tears in her eyes, before pushing me away with enough room for her to walk away. I should've followed her, I should've asked her for what exactly she was sorry for.

and I should've seen her phone in her hands...

I woke up early just as I had the day before, to get myself ready once again, and maybe I should've checked my phone before getting to school but I didn't. I made sure I looked "pretty" again today, and actually sat down to eat breakfast with my family today. Something was holding me in this moment and I couldn't fathom what it was, but it was practically gluing me to my chair, and fear washed all over me as I hugged my parents and Sofia goodbye and I couldn't understand why.

I drove in silence to school and I felt my hands starting to sweat and my lungs were giving me a hard time breathing and I didn't know what it was. It was as if my body had a personal forecast on when something bad was going to happen; like a premonition.

I sat in my car for a few minutes, and I didn't even realize that the bell rang. I hurriedly sped off to class, not even stopping at my locker this time and by the time I arrived to Miss Lovato's class, I was late. I barged through the door, out of breath, and exclaimed

"I'm here! I'm here, Sorry I'm-" my eyes diverted towards the screen that was playing a video from the projector. Everyone turned to look at me, and Lauren stood up,

"Camila, nice of you to join us, I was just telling everyone how even though you're dressing differently, doesn't mean you've changed your old ways. I told them all about how you came onto me even when I told you I didn't want anything from you, and I knew you'd deny it, so I recorded you. And as you can see, you have me pinned back, and my arm is pushing you away. You can even see the tears in my eyes." She finished with a smirk.

I looked at her in disbelief and saw her holding up another camera. She was recording my reaction. Suddenly the televisions turned on for the morning news, and instead of having one of Lauren's bestfriends, Normani, hosting the news, a live broadcast from our classroom was playing and everyone in the school was watching this unfold.

I looked around for Miss Lovato and noticed we had a substitute today. Why isn't anyone stopping her? I felt the tears stinging my eyes and I bit my cheek to keep me from saying anything that could make this an even bigger joke than it already was. I narrowed my eyes at her,

"I can't believe you'd do this." I said before walking out. I didn't know where I was headed, but before I could leave, I heard a tiny voice behind me,

"Mila?" My back tensed and I turned around, "Yes, Ally?" I couldn't face her and decided on my feet, "Don't let her win." She said into my ear before letting go and walking away.

When she was out of sight, I closed my eyes and ran my fingers through my hair. I punched the nearest locker with my right hand and decided to just wait until second period to go back to class. I couldn't face Lauren. I couldn't face anyone but that wouldn't receive any sympathy from NYU, so I had to stay.

First period dragged on, as well as the consecutive ones that led to lunch. I didn't speak to anyone, not that that was an abnormality in my behavior but anyone with their five senses could tell I was beyond done with today. Of course people were back to talking, but I didn't let my ears register any of their conversations because I didn't even want to listen.

Lunch rolled around, and it took me about five self-lectures before I finally walked into the cafeteria. I didn't bother getting food this time and just marched towards Ally's table, trying my best to avoid everyone's eyes especially Lauren's but she had another plan.

I heard her calling after me but I kept walking. She stood up and jogged over to catch up with me. All eyes and ears were on us, she grabbed my arm and pulled me to turn around. She wore a smirk on her face and I knew the harassment wasn't anywhere near over. I took in a deep breath, and closed my eyes.

"What is it, what else could you possibly throw in my face?" I gritted out. She breathed out a wry laugh, and pulled something out of her pocket. I glanced down at her hand, and it was a bottle of pills. My eye brows furrowed, and I looked up at her face to see her in full satisfaction,

"That shit you pulled yesterday? In the hall? Not okay. And I'm telling you now that I always win, so why don't you just save yourself the trouble.." She paused and grabbed my hand, putting the bottle in my hands, "and just disappear already." I gripped onto the bottle and saw my knuckles turn white. All around us was a silence so loud, it was almost unbearable. Then ally yelled angrily,

"That isn't funny, Lauren." as she sped towards us. Normani stood up and held her back, but she too was shocked.  I held my hand up at Ally, silencing her, and I shot a sad smile towards her.

I turned back to Lauren and her eyes were challenging me, waiting to see me break, but I couldn't let her have it again. As painful as holding this bottle was, this was too far. I looked into her eyes and they weren't as convincing as her words or her competitive stance. I saw regret in her eyes but I was done empathizing with her, I took a dangerous step towards her, and before she could react to what I was doing I punched her square in the jaw.  

Everyone in the cafeteria proved to have seen it with synchronized gasps, and when Lauren recovered she stood up straight and spit blood out and yelled at me furiously, "You're going to regret that, Camila!"

I scoffed at her and got just in her face and she was, "No, YOU are going to regret that. You ALL are." I screamed at her and everyone around us. Nobody said a word, and it brought me with a remote peace of mind as I walked out of the Cafeteria with the bottle in my hand.

The truth was days away from emerging and for once, I wasn't scared to set it free.