Habit

Chapter 31 : FINAL CHAPTER

As the walls grew thinner, with Camila's absence, Lauren found herself bringing her knees closer to her chest. Leaving no space for contamination from anything else, she only wanted what Camila left behind with her. She relished in Camila's soft touch from only hours ago- the way her name sounded as Camila murmured it over and over in utter bliss as their lips molded together. It was hard to breathe without Camila, but it was even harder to breathe when she looked at you the way she had last night. Lauren looked around her and didn't know whether she was seeing anger, revenge, sadness, love, bliss, or nostalgia anymore. She couldn't pinpoint what last night was after all.

To Lauren, it had been an act of appreciation in every sense and hardly even a symbolization of possession and she felt as if all she put into every kiss, every touch, was all meaningless now. It was all taken away-the magic, the moment Camila decided to leave that bed.

She glanced wearily at the bedside alarm clock and saw that it had been almost two hours since she had woken up. She decided to shower. She decided it might make her feel a little less dirty. Because although she wasn't sure what Camila's intention was, she felt used almost. She almost wanted to accuse that she felt the way Camila must have possibly felt all those other times, but then again, no. She couldn't discredit Camila's pain and embarrassment and try to even remotely compare it to her own.

The water was cold, but not enough to freeze her. She sat on the bathtub as the showerhead sprayed her back. She then wished she was a little girl again, and was being cleansed by her grandmother the way she used to. She hummed the familiar tune she used to hum to her as she bathed her hair. The tears were still cascading down her face and she wondered if this was all her and Camila's relationship would be-a broken one. Where was Camila? Why weren't they ever there when the other was falling apart?

Lauren tried to keep some things sacred and grabbed the shampoo that she had brought over a few weeks ago but hadn't used yet. Ever since her and Camila began coming more frequently, Lauren decided to make it a running home again and brought back the electricity and water. She had wanted to make this their home, if Camila agreed to it one day. She poured an amount suitable for her long hair and tried miserably to do the old Mohawk her grandma used to make with the shampoo, and only grew frustrated when it didn't work-it obviously wouldn't with the length of her hair but she tried anyway.

She scrubbed roughly and began to grow angry at Camila for leaving. Where had she gone? She had tried calling her cellphone and her house number but both were sent to voicemail. She texted her until her fingers grew sore, and realized that there wouldn't be an answer after she stopped checking how many she had sent. It was hopeless again. Camila had promised. She had promised she'd love her this time- she had promised she wouldn't leave.

What Lauren didn't know was that Camila had to leave. Miami was a nightmare Camila had endured until she didn't have to anymore, and Lauren had made the time easier to dwell with but every day of Camila's high school career was a countdown, a countdown for departure. Often, more than not, Camila had doodled a plane at the corner of her notebook paper, and the flight always led to one particular place. For a long time, Lauren had believed that apologies were enough, that time could heal, but she had entirely forgotten that a place still holds memories, and those memories are like a voice inside your head forbidding you to forget that it did indeed happen.

-

Camila had left with a heavy heart, a heavy and sorrowful, but adamant heart. As she boarded her flight, she felt a sense of new found freedom, an entirely more profound freedom than she had felt the day of her speech months ago.

The only people who knew where Camila Cabello was were her parents and Ms. Lovato. Sofia had been reluctant to let go of Camila's legs as the flight number echoed in the airport, and at first, Camila took it as a sign that she shouldn't go, but when Lauren didn't wake up, prior to her take-off, she took that as even greater indication that she HAD to go, for she'd regret it if she stalled. Ms. Lovato had gone to the airport as well, she had tears in her eyes, but they weren't sad tears for she knew what was waiting for Camila outside of Florida. She knew that this was the only way. There was a whole wide world outside of their hometown, and for a promising writer like Camila, it was waiting.