Habit

Chapter 30

There were no clouds that day, none in sight. The blue of the sky was almost glowing, and everyone had deserted the campus to go home, to celebrate the coming summer vacation. There was little left to do in time of graduation, and everyone was feeling tired yet energized for the exciting times to come in the lives of graduating teenagers. There were a few lingering teachers here and there, a couple of the students who worked on campus, but even they wanted to go home more than one can think. But there was one certain student who could not, would not leave just yet.

Camila Cabello walked up and down the empty halls, holding her hand out to touch the walls she passed, recognizing murals she'd helped paint, classrooms she'd once occupied, lockers of her old friends. There were memories here, but the best ones were held in her heart. There was one thing on her mind, and that was the girl who'd driven her crazy since long before she could remember-but even that wasn't true. She could remember. The very first time she'd seen Lauren's face, it was so long ago, but that was when she knew something she couldn't pinpoint, but something she'd always remember. Camila decided she could love Lauren Jauregui, she could take care of her.

She could give her everything.

And Camila had given everything she had to the girl she loved so much. They'd been through hell; that much was certain. But Camila knew there were things she could never give Lauren, things she wanted to be able to offer but couldn't. Camila was broken, damaged, and irreparably gone in this place. She wanted nothing more than for Lauren to be happy, but she didn't know what to do anymore. She wandered the halls of the school she had grown in and wondered how things had gotten to this place. As far as Lauren knew, the two of them were "okay," whatever that meant. But Camila knew in her heart things weren't meant to be in this way. Not now, not in this moment. Not when she walked into Ms. Lovato's classroom after the rest of the school had been mostly deserted, and she sat down in the closest seat to her desk.

Camila placed her bookbag to her left, silently took out a packet of papers she'd been hiding for quite some time, and placed her hands in her lap, patiently waiting. Ms. Lovato didn't look up from grading papers. Hair was falling casually from her face, something strange to see for Camila because Ms. Lovato always seemed so immaculate in her appearance. The older woman glanced up to the girl in front of her and Camila blushed in embarrassment: it wasn't polite to stare. Ms. Lovato laughed lightly and put her pen down. She rolled herself in her professory wheely chair and came up to Camila, putting her hands on the desk where Camila sat.

"Something you wanna talk about, Ms. Cabello?"

Camila braced herself for what was to come, and silently, but almost, almost confidently, placed the packet of papers with all of her hopes and dreams into the hands of the woman in front of her. "It's official, Ms. L."

Ms. Lovato took the papers cautiously out of Camila's hands and held them safely, letting her fingers wander across the defined print, feeling the large letters bulging from the thick parchment paper. A smile broke out on her face and she looked at Camila with anticipation. "Camila, this is wonderful news! Aren't you excited?" When Camila glanced back down to the desk before her, Ms. Lovato knew. Something wasn't right, but Camila couldn't talk, couldn't let it come up, because she didn't want to disappoint her favorite teacher. "Camila, what's going on?"

Once again, Camila braced herself, and let the tears roll out with everything she'd been holding in.

Lauren had gotten home that afternoon and taken a nap. She was so damn tired. There were only four days between her and graduation, but finishing the school year, getting back on good terms with her girlfriend, and all of the other regular pressures of everyday teenage life were wearing her thin. But she had something to look forward to. Camila was coming over that night, and Lauren's parents wouldn't be home. Long before prom, before everything bad had happened, Camila had told Lauren she'd been accepted to UM, the University of Miami, and that was her top choice. Lauren didn't tell Camz, but she'd applied.