no one has to know || muke

thirty five

it was a constant battle for michael to fall asleep at a decent time some nights. he laid wide awake, tossing and turning and drowning in his thoughts.

the room was black, no lights being seen. he looked straight, seeing only darkness in front of him like he was looking into a dark hole that was never ending. it made him feel alone, cold. it reminded him of something he would see the day he died, nothing but darkness.

at two thirty in the morning, he couldn't continue to lay down any longer. everything in his body was screaming, telling him to lay back down and attempt once more to go to sleep, but his mind was telling him it would be no success. he felt tired, but there wasn't enough there to make him sleep like he should be at this hour on a school night.

he used his hand, running it over his bed to find his phone that was somewhere. when he did find it, he unlocked it, squinting his eyes at the sudden brightness that shone.

to / luke

i wish you were here beside me. I can't sleep

luke has never been a heavy sleeper. that's why the simple thing of a phone lighting up in his dark room could awake him. he didn't hesitate to look at the message after seeing michael's name on the screen.

from / luke

I would love to have you in my arms, baby. I wish I could be there to help you sleep.

luke wanted nothing more than to have michael beside him. it was such a privilege to wake up next to michael. he wanted to comfort the small boy, help him sleep and have good dreams.

michael would do anything to have luke here with him right now.

to / luke

I'm sorry if I woke you up

from / luke

don't be sorry.

michael's eyes felt heavy, but there was something keeping him awake. it was a feeling in his heart that wouldn't go away.

to / luke

I just think I feel sad

luke sat up from his position, instantly calling the younger boy. he could never fall back to sleep knowing the boy he loved was sad.

"hello?" the voice came through the phone as a whisper.

"I don't want you to be sad," luke pushed the heavy comforter off his body, shifting himself so he was able to lean against the head board, "why are you sad?"

michael couldn't find a reasonable enough answer. he felt sadness, but there could be so many reasons why he was sad. it was all building up inside of him and eating him up slowly. he wanted to be happy, that's what he felt when he was around luke. the happiness he has always wanted, luke was giving him. he just couldn't find it in himself to feel happy right now.

"I've always been sad," michael admitted, playing with a loose thread on his pants, "I didn't think I could ever make it go away, but it goes away when I'm with you."

luke felt like he has been torn. if he could be with michael every second of his life to keep him happy, he wouldn't think twice before doing so. he was eighteen years old and filled with sadness. he deserved so much more.

luke swallowed the lump in his throat, ignoring the pain in his chest, "tell me the things that make you happy."

"you."

"tell me something else that makes you happy, besides me."

michael wished he didn't have such a difficult time thinking of another thing that brought happiness to him, "you're the only thing that makes me happy, luke. you are my only source of happiness in this world."

luke never thought he would be able to provide happiness to someone. he was hearing a side of michael that he doesn't hear often.

he would have never guessed the boy was filled with all that sadness. he wanted to take it all away. he didn't understand how someone so amazingly beautiful and strong could be given such a hard time in their life.

"I want you to lay down," luke instructed, pulling his knees close to his chest. michael didn't want to ask why, so all he did was listen to the words luke said. he pulled the blankets up to his stomach, "I want you to think about happiness, and love. think about all the good things in life, think about us."

michael closed his eyes slowly, trying to imagine anything he could. he imagined luke here, his stomach pressed up against michael's back and holding him close, making him feel safe. he imagined the laugh that belonged to the blonde and the smile and the way he walked.

"I'm going to stay on the phone until you fall asleep, yeah? I love you, michael. so much."

"I love you too."

+ + +

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