The Vow [h.s.]

chapter seventeen

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11.29.14

Harry had always been there for me to cheer me up when I was down, to help me when times were rough and to hold me - and vice versa.

Recently I felt things had changed, he was never in touch and I didn't feel like he even cared about me anymore. I understood that it was hard; I was busy studying at Cambridge and he was busy traveling around the world. But when you constantly ignore your best friend for weeks, you can't expect them to reach out to you anymore.

Long story short, I've given up on trying to stay in touch with Harry. If we both went separate ways, then maybe that included our friendship fading away too.

Harry had left only a month ago for the promotion of the new album, yet the weeks dragged on with no word from him. A few messages here and there, but nothing like I was used to. I understood that he had a busy schedule, and so did I, but I missed talking to him everyday. I missed him texting me, excited to tell me a new joke he came up with. I missed his sleepy voice over our nightly phone calls. I missed his laugh when I told him my embarrassing University stories. I missed him. And it made me feel pathetic, because I felt like he barely missed me at all.

Therefore, I couldn't keep reaching out to him when I didn't feel as if he was interested in me.

Besides, without me he could do what he wanted and not have to worry. Concentrate on his work without having to deal with me. I was just holding him back honestly.

The other boys had called a few times to see how I was doing but none of them mentioned Harry which I found a bit strange, like they were avoiding something. I constantly would ask about Harry, but all they would reply with is, "He's fine." Again, it seemed as if they were dodging the subject as a whole.

I slowly reclined back on the grass as I looked up at the stars. It wasn't the same as my secret hideaway back in Holmes Chapel, but this will have to do. Being out in the open and gazing at the universe before me only reminded me of Harry.

I wanted to call him. Just to see how he was doing. But I couldn't call.

I wanted to call and ask him why it is so difficult to get over him. I wanted to know if he felt pain like knives in his sides that I did whenever I thought of him. I wanted to know if he ever felt lonely when he listened to music, or if things reminded him of the memories we have made over the years. But I couldn't call.

I wanted to call and say that I couldn't remember the sound of him saying my name anymore and sometimes that scared me but I knew it was important. But I couldn't call.

So my God, I wanted to call him. But instead I laid on the grass and gaze at the galaxies that were behind my reach. Just like he was.

Honestly, I don't know if I still loved him, but then I suppose you have to love someone to miss them like that; like hell.

Once again, I was wallowing in my own self-pity and I felt completely hopeless.

It was late when my phone from beside me buzzed loudly, distracting me from my thoughts. I looked at the caller ID surprised to see Liam's name flashing brightly on the screen.

"Hello?" I answered sitting up.

"Em?" Liam said in relief.

"Oi! Is that Emily?" I heard Louis shout in the background and a smile spread across my face.