Shaira's Inbox

4 - Cool - Off

It was a texting relationship that any conventional kind of person would not understand.

Sometimes Shaira felt like she was so easy that she could only be taken by a few text messages of a guy who did not even try to make some real efforts to win her.

It was the last day of May. Each day seemed remarkable. She wanted to appreciate each day like that with the guy she loved. 

Shaira's first date with her first boyfriend was the day before their first monthsary. There were no flowers, no chocolates, no gifts. It seemed that seeing each other was enough to make the day special. She saw in Nigel's eyes how much he missed her. The beautiful thing about love was that it demands nothing but also love in return. It does not need money or material things, but Time.

Besides, what could ordinary teenagers do when all their life, they depended on their parents' money for school and daily allowance? Since it was vacation time, they both understood that money could not buy the happiness they felt upon holding each others' hands as they walked. It was a memory to keep for sure she knew that it may not be repeated. How she wished the time to stand still to prolong their moment together. But she knew there was no fairy godmother to grant her wish. They lived in a real world.

Days and weeks passed until it was their second monthsary.

Shaira intended not to text. She was waiting for him to send a greeting. For at least, she wanted to feel that she was not easy. Though she was not fond of surprises, she was expecting that Nigel would do something so sweet to express how much he loved her.

The phone was quiet for almost the whole day.

The next day, she greeted him on text saying, "good morning."

There was no reply. So she texted,

"Hi."

She told herself that it would be her last text. He had to reply. After about fifteen minutes, her phone beeped.

"Hi."

It felt cold. She could sense the shortness of his text as if his mood was transmitted out of the phone.

" Do you know the date today?," Nigel asked, accusingly.

Of course she knew. And she was a bit guilty for that. 

"Belated happy monthsary! I'm sorry for forgetting. I miss you."

She wished he was appeased and also wished that he believed in her pretense.

"I miss you too but I think it's better if we have a cool-off."

Shaira was in a panic.

"No, this is not happening..." She thought of it very shortly. It was not a grave mistake. He had to be patient.

Why would he do that? At the back of her mind, there were many reasons. Her hands were getting cold and she was literally getting pale. She was the one to blame. Her pride brought her to this situation.

Maybe he could not take the relationship like it was a long distance because they were just in the same small town. A little effort to see each other on such a special day would not be too much, perhaps. She could not give him her time. She was too afraid to show everybody, especially to her parents that she was having a relationship with a younger guy. She had so much to prove now that she was still unemployed and getting a younger boyfriend would not be acceptable.

Maybe he was bored and he wanted to make the relationship more visual.

Or worse, maybe there was another girl. Who's a guy that did not want a girl he could always see and touch? She panicked again.

"No, this was not happening... She denied as she typed her message.

"Why? What does it mean?"

"I want our relationship to feel more real aside from just merely being like text mates. But we can't."

This pricked her heart. She was the guilty one. She could not make him feel happy and satisfied with the relationship. She says she loved him but she could not do anything. She was not enough.

"You do understand our situation, don't you? I told you even before I agreed to this relationship that it was not going to be that easy."

Yes, I agreed to that. But I miss you so much, its driving me crazy."

She missed him so bad too. She wanted to cry. It was a bittersweet confession.

"So what do you want us to do?"

Maybe he'll ask her to get out of the house and see each other for a while? Yet, Shaira was having a bad feeling on this.

"Let's have a cool-ff. I think we better focus first on my studies while you also focus on your future career. This will not be a break-up. We just have to give space to each other as we set our priorities."

Shaira sighed with the pain that stabbed her like a knife. So, it was like a game over? 

It was not a break-up. Space. Priorities.

Probably, she needed them too. She had to be successful, so was he. He's the male, his social roles in the future would matter. It was the time of her life where she had to grab good opportunities in order to land a good job. It was also the time that she had to wake up from a beautiful dream...

"Ok. If that is what you want."

After sending the message, she felt like crying. It was an ecstatic love at the wrong time.

"Thanks. We will still text each other, ok?"

"Yes, I understand."

"Take care always. :)"

There was really something in this. Shaira could not just point out.How could he be very frank about what he wanted and seemed unaffected by it? The ending of the conversation was with a smiley emojie? Then, it must not have been that serious. Maybe.

Or perhaps, he was happy that he's little by little getting free from her?

Aside from the guilt of not being able to arrange for a meet up in a month, what was this "something" that she was feeling? She did not have any proof about her instinct. She wished it was not how she felt after Nigel's last text.

"Goodnight."