Shaira's Inbox

8-Moving On

Cheers to the girl who was brave enough to endure the pain of of her first love. Things did not go well between them but she did not regret loving him. Even when it hurt so bad. She just could not help but love him even in his absence. For a long, long time.

He was his first boyfriend, first boy who held her hand as they walked in the green fields, the first one to caress her gently in his arms,the first to pursue her to be his girlfriend, first kiss, first foolishness, first heart break. 

That first awkward kiss, Shaira wanted to keep and erase at the same time. 

She remembered him asking, "can I kiss you?" And that was in the middle of a small street. She shyly nodded. So he pressed his tender lips on her cheeks. He looked around and there were no people, the street was quiet. He seemed excited and dissatisfied so he asked again, "can I kiss you on the lips?" 

"You must have not asked that and just do it because I'm dying to kiss you too Nigel!," Shaira blushed at her mind's response but did not speak out. Instead, she nodded again. She was so nervous that time and she just wanted that few seconds of him touching her lips not to end. It was the most magical thing that ever happened to her. Her knees were trembling and there were butterflies in her stomach. Until she went home, she was smiling and blushing like crazy.

That few seconds reminded her how short the love story was. And no matter how she wished for forever, it will never happen. Ever. That's the truth. 

It is when she opened her eyes to the reality and finally understood the bitter ones out there. She was wanting to be a rebel for love. She wanted to shout but she was purely quiet because she knew nobody would hear her. Her social media was somehow filled with sad quotes that she hoped Nigel would be able to see. But probably, they were just ignored. He was completely clueless about what Shaira had learned about him.

Dreams in the future must come true. It is the only thing that she had to make happen. Even if the future is without Nigel in her life. Shaira was determined to show him that one day, Nigel would regret neglecting her feelings. 

She remembered how he loved the sway of her long hair though she knew for a fact that her hair was not as shimmering as the other girls' hair out there. So, she grew it longer and treated her hair for a spa. Maybe that way she would look unbroken and once he met her somewhere, she would look better than before.

She slept a lot. It was her escape from her shattering soul. There are times that she got puffy eyes because of crying for him late at night. But because of sleeping, her pimples were gone. Her skin was brighter. But she did not get fat. 

Her next target was to find a good job. Money. Maybe money could take away the pain. Money could buy her make -up and fine clothes and shoes and bags and it would definitely hide her brokenness. 

It was almost six months after the break-up. She was not interested with text messages anymore. She did not want to play games on those silly messages. She took them as nonsense. There were a little texters who were eager to start a relationship over the phone. She only played with them and never believed a bit. Sometimes, it felt good reading messages like "I like you," I love you," I miss you," from some other guys even though they did not matter.

Job alert:

"Congratulations! You are qualified for the position you were applying for. Please come to the office for an interview."

The message showed her something to look forward to. 

Shaira woke up early the next morning. She wanted to look good and feel good. Enough for the gloom over a spilled milk.  She put on light make-up. She was wearing pointed shoes with heels. It was a bit awkward for she used to wear baggy pants and sneakers for school. This was all a major change. She also had to act like a lady now. A lady that could not be tricked by anyone. 

The travel towards the office lasted for an hour that disheveled her hair. It was a bit annoying for Shaira because her hair had to look good all the time. That was a major thing that always frustrated her.

The office was on the second floor, across the road where she was dropped by the cab. She had to walk towards a garden-like path and there were no elevators. She looked at her watch. It was five minutes before 8:00 am. She sensed her nerves were active. She walked faster in spite of the heels that she wore until she finally reached the gate.

There were new faces that approached her. She did not care. 

All she had to do was to reach the second floor before her clock ticked to 8:00 am. She was able to reach the third step when her phone rang. 

Feeling tensed, she opened her bag while the wind blew and made her eat her hair, literally. She gestured to hold her hair as the other hand reached for her phone on the fourth step of the stairs. This made her left heel slip down. Good thing the guy next to her who was also an applicant was there to hold her elbows for balance.

"Oooops!," she shrieked.

"Oh!," the guy jolted. It was his initial reaction to catch her elbows. He did not want  to fall downstairs with this tall girl. He wondered why she even wore heels. Her hair was fragrant and it would not be harmful to touch her for some help.

Shaira smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry."

"Be careful." He was trying to look at her face and to her eyes but Shaira looked away and said,

"Thank you." as she gained her composure.

"Are you also an applicant?," the guy inquired.

"Yes... and uhmm.. come on, we need to hurry!." She asked him to be at least beside her to look more polite. But the guy let her step forward after him. Shaira had no more time to convince him because she was walking really fast. She decided to wait for him when she reached the second floor since the silence in the balcony made her nervous. It would be her first job interview. Surely, all firsts make her nervous.

"Come, " she said.

"Well, yes. Aren't we late yet?"

"I don't think so. There are no people around."

"What about us? Don't you call us people?," he teased. He was studying her face. She had that face that always looked kind and a face that he could not read whatever she was thinking.

"I think you should come in the office first. I delayed you earlier," she smiled shyly and nervously.

"I should say that you are a bit nervous huh?" At last, he learned that the girl was a bit nervous. It did not show but he could tell by what she said. It was probably because she looked inexperienced. He gave her a friendly smile.

The guy knocked on the door confidently. Shaira followed after him.