Shaira's Inbox

20- Teddy Bear

Who would never miss each other's company when they were supposed to be working altogether in the same branch?

Shaira and Leonil's friendship deepened into something special that only the two of them could comprehend. Issues at work like client's investigation, past dues, meetings, work in the area in spite of the weather- they both understood those things. What they did not understand was the mutual feeling of each others' text messages that completed each day. From a simple good morning to a sleepy good night, life felt like there was someone who understood their joys and struggles in another corner of the province.

They tried really hard to minimize texting each other but the more they minimized the messages, the more they missed each other. Shaira could not imagine going to work without having someone to talk to at the end of the day. Work was stressful. Sometimes, it was disappointing.

There was a point that she imagined herself working in her line of interest. It was a long time since she wrote her own poetry or even read a good book.

If adult life meant like working five days in a week, she wished she could go back to childhood. But she remembered one philosopher who said that only fools want to go back being a child. So she assumed that this was life and she had to be more matured with her thoughts. There are others who could not find a job at their very young age but she had it. She passed the worries of a student and told herself that the worries she felt were an upgrade.

She felt having someone to love again. Children could not yet understand this kind of love.

Perhaps, it was the reason why she discovered one day she was in a relationship with Leonil through text messages even if he was living together with his partner because they had a son.They were not yet married so technically, he's single.

There were many stories in this modern world where a couple had kids but were not destined to be together. Perhaps, Leonil was meant for Shaira. She wanted to believe it.

So the relationship, no matter how they thought the feelings were real, was kept a secret until they would be ready to shout to the world their love for one another.

For the second time around, Shaira agreed to a secret relationship. She felt secured with Leonil. It was like he would fight for her, unlike how she felt with Nigel. Her relationship with Nigel felt like she was the only one holding on and the more she held on to it, the more she got herself bleeding.

This time, it was a balance between being serious and playing it out. She could not resist Leonil's charms. She could not afford to let him down in the first place. A caring man deserved a thumbs up. She also deserved to smile and to let go.

Who cares if she hurts herself again? She has been a loser since she lost Nigel anyway.

She felt like Leonil was too eager for her and she had to at least reciprocate it. She had so much love to give, after all. Still it's not like the kind of love she gave away for Nigel.

When at their house, Shaira was careful not to send messages just at any hour. She had to make sure that Leonil was the one holding his phone. It was thrilling. Like a game.

So this was how a third party felt.

It was shameful but she did not ever insist to demand time and other things from Leonil. She was not that kind of girl. She knew she did not have the rights no matter what. No matter how she explained to herself that Leonil was not married, she could not think of herself destroying a child's family by taking his father. Perhaps she was being selfish after every love she gave away was wasted for nothing.