Shaira's Inbox

7-Quietness

How do you wake up when you know that anytime you can be replaced?

Nigel promised to text but he did not. He was probably sorting things out with Rose Ann. It was all Shaira could think of.

Shaira wanted to talk about what she just found out but she did not know how to start. Instead, she grabbed her phone and said,

"Hi Nigel. Take care always."

There was no reply. 

Until it was night time. She texted again, and again...and again...

"Good eve."

"Dinner time."

"You told me you would text..."

"What's up?"

"Is there anything you want to tell me?"

"Is there something wrong Nigel? or do you want me to say it for you?"

Sleep. Shaira had to sleep. Her style wasn't working. 

The following day was silent. She felt like she was hanging on without any idea what would come next or what would be his reactions, explanations, or everything. She was wondering if who would be in the offensive or in the defensive side. She bet it was her chance to be right that given time. At a short span of their relationship, she was always at fault.

She wished she would not come out wrong at the end of the conversation. That is, if Nigel would ever reply.

She has finally made up her mind. It was time to end the game. Rihanna's song kept playing on her mind.

 "A better round of applause, standing ovation... You put on quite a show, you really had me going...now its time to go...very entertaining... but its over now, come on and take a bow."

She could be a loser for she was very affected but she did not care. It was better to end it up than to prolong the feeling of getting hung on to something unstable. It was never easy but she must.

The following day was the same. It was as if he had no more plans to clear out the matter.

So I was just like a piece of trash. I'm only good when needed. I was just a past-time when he was bored and he needed someone to talk during his mood swings. How could he do this to me?

It was only a texting relationship, she thought.

She was not supposed to get hurt that much.

The night came and after extracting more sighs and instructions from herself, she managed to call him. She felt like a sweet little puppy following her master as she dialed Nigel's number. She was not even supposed to be chasing after the one who fooled her. She was not that kind of girl. Just for now. Wait until he learns that dogs bite. 

The phone rang for a while, she wondered if he would pick up the call or not. Whatever wondering and planning she had, it seemed that she was going to break into pieces when she heard Nigel's voice.

"Hello..." he answered gently, sweetly, and deadly.

As if nothing was wrong. She could feel him smiling and Shaira pictured him  as that tender guy who looked at her so coldly but smiling. His voice was a music to her ears but she had to set it aside. 

"Hi...Hey.. Uh.Uhm.. You.. We--..." the phone was dead.

Shaira could not tell if it was a blessing in disguise. Nigel's phone was low in battery. She did not have the choice but to text.

                  "Ooops. Sorry, my phone's low bat."

"Its ok. I just wanted to say that I think we have to end our relationship. What do you think?

                   "Why?"

*** Why? Yeah. Why did you fool me. Why did you make me believe that you love me when you wanted somebody else. You should have not started anything just to leave me hanging here. ***  

Still, she texted her real feelings.

"I'm sorry I was a jerk. I did not make time to see you...it was a secret relationship. I'm not a good girlfriend. There might be somebody else there who could be more deserving than I am, Isn't there? 

                     "Don't say that. You are the kindest person I know and you  are very sweet."

"I thought you are right that we have to set our priorities first."

                      "OK. Sorry."

                      "But promise me, we can still be friends."

"Definitely. Thanks for the memories and for making me feel loved."

                      "Thank you also for understanding. I promise we can still be good friends, even best            friends. For the times we texted, we learned a lot about each other's personality."

"Take care always."

                      "I will."

"Nigel, I love you... Goodbye."

There was another message but Shaira did not open the folder anymore. She liked her last text and she never cared to read the message that followed. She was afraid that it might make her feel confused and fooled again. Never again. 

After a few minutes, her phone rang. Nigel's name appeared.Her heart skipped a bit. She only stared at the screen with Nigel's name, she was listening if how long he would reach out.

 It was short.

Of course, why would he prolong the call when there was another girl to be wooed. At least, she would sense that he still cared. Even for a bit.

It felt too much for her pride. She pretended that she did not know anything about the real and big reason for giving him up. She made it by not insisting the topic  about the third party. All she wanted was to see him happy even with another girl although she doubted that the other girl would eventually leave him because of another guy. If that happens, Nigel would probably feel his loss. 

But wait. The information was given to her by Nigel's best friend, Carmen. What if she fell into a trap? Shaira was skeptical if the whole thing was scripted or not in order get this kind of ending. Whatever it was, Shaira did not care. She had to act like that.

"I don't care. Nigel did not even have the guts to tell her the truth.I will find out the whole story someday. If we meet again as friends, " she thought.

The days passed. Her phone was quiet. From time to time, she felt like she had to text Nigel but she did not. She decided to drop this texting hobby.