Shaira's Inbox

21- Love Game

Leonil breaking up with her felt like somewhat similar with that night when Nigel broke her heart.

Only that she was learning how to deal with it. At least...

Shaira would not pay attention to suitors who texted her. That was an indication that they were all playing. A nonsense waste of time.  They were all the same. As a matter of fact, a thought came to her mind that Leonil only played with her, only that, she somehow felt different more than just mere playing.

Still, it was like she was playing the game too. A game of hide and seek so that they would not be caught by Leonil's live-in partner.

At the back of her subconscious mind, men are all the same. She had to be careful not to believe them a hundred percent, so she took the risk for this kind of relationship.

Forever is composed of nows. Emily Dickinson's words flashed. 

She never thought it would hurt. But now, it takes a lot of defense mechanism to soothe her aching heart. Few tears, a flying thought, bursting sadness- sleepless night. Every time the end comes, flashbacks suddenly arrive.

Her own view point said that their love started with a game. Men are experts on the game of love. She was never taking it seriously again...

Until they were caught in a trap. Maybe the love trap was the reason why they were on for almost a year even without seeing each other.  No commitments nor obligations. Maybe it was a deceitful attraction at all, not love. 

Still, it hurts. 

Leonil was on her mind that long. Of course it should hurt.

It is quite unbelievable that their feelings grew through electronic lines. It was more acceptable to think that Leonil and Shaira have known each other before. More acceptable to think that it was more than just a texting game and flirting. Her inbox could attest to it. That was how their long distance relationship went. 

Shaira sighed.

The last time they met was another flashback. She was nearly resigning from the company. It was an all work activity. She was thankful there was no party and Greg was not there. Greg would only remind the comforting moment Leonil and she had shared. Things have changed in the course of work. Everything felt professional. But he still went to where she was seated for a hand shake during the acquaintance part of the program. There was nothing to assume but his effort to reach her at the back told her that he was a good man. She decided to tell herself that she was a good girl, they both did the right thing. 

Courage to let go of a love worth remembering is something to be proud of. However, it was only worth remembering. Not worth fighting for. They say if love affects people negatively, it is not worth  fighting for. She decided to agree with it. In her current situation, it made sense. 

Who would accept their relationship that looked sinful in the eyes of an innocent child and a mother? No one. Nobody could understand.

*****

You made the right decision Shaira. It was the best choice. Shaira told herself in front of the mirror with a smile in her face.

Years have passed and somehow, she was feeling better.

She was preparing to meet her students in the university. Her job was a permanent position and life has been good with literature and writing. She was happy to extract student skills and unearth their golden ideas with every classroom activities and discussions.

At first, she was hesitant with a teaching career, but it was where she fitted. One reason to be hesitant was that it broufgt back the the old times when she and Nigel first met. At times, sadness would still pinch her whenever she remembers Nigel.