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Oh lord 😂 Another day of crew but I got this. I got this lol and I'm gunna do this and I'll get better and be my old good self again. I need to get back on my feet to get what I want most back. I can't mop around anymore. Nd I can't be sad anymore. I only got one more year. I ain't wasting my last year being sad and worrying and killing my own self. I'll be happy and I'll be grateful. I am grateful. Nd I'm sorry to her for never respecting what she gave me. Nd maybe I'll never meet her or talk to her and maybe her picture is the only memory the only thing I have of her but I will respect that I will love what she gave me and I won't fail her. I won't fail her again. Not this time
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You're more than I can ever deserve but I'll treat like you're my queen because that's what you need. I'll take you on dates to the drive ins and we can cuddle while we watch scary movies and I'll hold you when you get scared so you know I'll always be there. I'll pick you up at 3 in the morning for dumb adventures we can go on. We can sing dumb love songs while we gaze into the sunset and laugh together. There's much more to you that I want to know. I want to play fight with you and then order take out and laugh as we watch old movies . I want to be there for you even when I can't be physically. I want to be the one who stares at you and I want to be the one that makes you smile . I want to be the one who holds you and never lets go and I want to be the one who writes you dumb poems and sings you songs . I want you to let me love you and spoil you because you're my princess. I love you
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I was always jealous of you. Jealous that you where the ones with the family. Jealous and angry that I was the only one felt behind. But today I saw that I was jealous and angry for no reason. Because either way none of us got the love we deserved. But I was happy because I got to see them again, got to see my little aunt doing what she loves best. I got to see my other aunt do the stupidest shit. I got to see my other aunt be the slave of the family. I got to see what made me such a person I am. I laughed and I saw how fucked up our family truly is. How fucked up I truly have become. But I thank you because you showed me not to give a fuck because you showed me things, other families wouldn't have shown their kids. And thank you for raising me for such little time. I got to see you disrespect your own father, my grandfather. And my mother wonders why I sometimes don't respect mine. I saw how you disrespected one another and made fun of one another and degraded one another. And my mother wonders why I'm so distant and not a lover. I saw how you talk so much shit about your own family. And my mother wonders why I don't respect mine. I saw how you guys have no manners. And my mother wonders why I'm such an unmannered kid. I saw how you got mad so easily and start to yell so easily when you could've just been nice. And my mother wonders why I have such short temper. My mother wonders how has she raised such awful kid but little did she know she didn't raise me. She raised my brother and that is why he doesn't have such short temper, why he doesn't always yell, why he always respects our father, why he always is so affectionate, why he has such manners, why he is the one that holds the family name with such pride. Why he is the beloved one.
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3.10.16
I went to school today only to be frisked in the opening. I wondered why.? What was the motive of it until I was told... That you were in a cross fire. That Caval had died. I had no words and no thought, I was speechless. I then understood why everyone was so quiet. Why our high school in the years I've been there was ever so quiet. It was because of you, because everyone was mourning about you. Why counsels were there and school activities where cancelled. Why teachers were crying and my friends missing. Why they cancelled pep rally. It was because you were in a cross fire yesterday. It upsets me of how bad of a bad time and place you were at. That you where just going home from a basketball game only to never make it home. That you never made it because someone had killed you. Today the plug was pulled and brother you will never be forgotten. And I promise you we will find your killer. We will have justice for who killed a brother, a cousin, a friend, a beautiful young soul. Who killed you. I had no motive today because we had lost a pk brother. The first one in this year. I'm sorry to the Haylett family and I respect them for the decision they made for you. You deserved the world Caval. You were so generous and sweet and you had your life planned out. You were a scholar athlete only to be met with an end. Rest in peace pk brother. I'll remember you as the pk family will remember you. And in our hearts you will never be forgotten. We love you Caval.
