My biggest regret? It has got to be the scars on my arm. When I grow up I want a tattoo there you know to cover them up. Tired lots of creams to fade the scars and they've kinda helped but people still see them you know, it's something I'm not proud of. That's my regret, self harming.
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2020
wow, i finally remembered this fucking password lmao but i still have those scars on my arm and they still remind me of an unpleasant past. I was actually looking at them today and was like bleh gross let's cover that up lol. Still very much want a tattoo. After reading this god awful diary, internet poems,songs,poems book i uhh realized how such a horrible kid i was. wow lmao. I am officially a year sober and on a steady uhh road on that. i realize i don't remember much of my teen years and makes me lowkey sad reading this book tbh. i just wow i was filled with so much hate for a kid and the grief and grudges. i still am but i've learned to let things go. But uhh idk if the people who used to read this shit still read but i really don't care i mainly did this for myself but if it anyway showed you what a cringe toxic, manipulative loser ass teenager is like welp hello sir. But also to show growth lol. I am 20 years old, guys. I'm 20! i started this book when i was 13 !!! 7 fucking years and i sadly don't remember much of these things. I can update on you guys on some things. I eventually learned to be able-body after a few years of getting paralysis waist down. I learned what was the difference between love and obsession. I learned to forgive and find peace within myself around my senior year. I came out as trans. i fucking graduated my god! 2018 bbayyybeee lmao I am still friends (i think) with the girl of the stories and am currently texting the other girl from the stories. We are friends now after 6 years of not talking. it's still pretty weird and shit but we getting there. I am going to an art school now for interior design. I got my associates in fine arts drawing actually but now i am in inteiror. I have a girlfriend d of two years that i have my own hardships with but it's really rather mature. maybe she will be the one maybe not idfk, i just hope she's here for a significantly long time friend or girlfriend, you know. I am actually happy now and i'm glad i couldn't kill myself. i really am, i mean i'm still
heavily depressed and have suicidal thoughts on the daily but it's like not the only fucking point in my life now. I got therapy and help and i'm on a really good road for happiness i think. i'm at peace with myself and i can see myself turning 60 you know. anyway. idk if i'll update or not but hi i'm mars. i am 20 years old and i'm a recovering addict and i'm currently in online school. I have made a great amount of friends, shaved my head, and lived the past two years as my true identity. I will be 21 in march. If anyone ever gets to the fucking end of this. Don't kill yourself idk shit doesn't get better like you don't wake up one day and are like wow yes fuck flowers are glowing sky is shinning idfk. But you do talk to someone and they ask a question and as you start to converse you start to realize that the fucking air is crisp and think damn i really fucking want to kms but shit this bagel won't finish itself. or you look at a really close friend or make a new friend and think fuck yk i don't mind sitting across from you and hearing you say the dumbest shit and how you eat shit every time you try to walk you idiot lmao. idk i be saying the dumbest shit too. Have you seen this fucking book? gross ew. idk i find it cute, i was such a fucking loser and disgusting and god awful kid wow. but it's weird seeing the julia and the she/her pronouns like now i cannot like 100% at all identify like that. it's so alien like to me and even reading it is so alienating to be fucking honest. 💀kms if i ever become teen me again absolute worst bro😂glad they didn't kill themselves so mars can be alive and see how beautiful the small things are. anyway peace out whores, i love you straggots and faggots ✨
