No idea if you read these but it's 2017 and it's summer but not my summer because I start school 🙄 and damn im 17 now. Thanks. That's all I can ever really say now a days. I've grown and I wish I could talk to you, even after all these years I miss you. I miss talking to you, your laugh. Everything. You were an amazing friend man. Sis I'm telling you, I wish we still could've been friends. I have so much to talk with you. There's so much that's been going on. I see your snaps and I have the tendency to swipe up. Say hello. But no cause you won't respond. You've probably moved on right? You were trying and I hope you did. I haven't... im still single 😂 I mean I'm not as single 🤷🏻♂️ w.e but hmu some time girl.
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Just a little rant.:
It's 2017 I'm a about to be a senior and I have no clue what the fuck is going on. I'm so lost but not a life but where I'm at. Like I'm really about to be an adult and be adult and do adult. I've grown. I see now that I battled some heavy ass stuff but that's cool. Such a drag but it's fine. I'm no longer as depressed as I was before. I still got really bad OCD and anxiety but depression nah. I've been alive for 17 years and I'm proud. All those failed attempts and Im still here made me realize that I have a purpose. What's that? Who the fuck knows. But I'll find it and I'll look back at this journal and be like ight I've grown. I'm a grown ass little boy. I'm finding myself little by little. I'm studying making myself something. Believe it. I'll be someone someday. I'll find me one day. And I'll look back and be like damn this boy was truly lost.
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When I was younger i liked a girl. she was gorgeous and i found it hard to breathe every time she stood near me.
But, i wasn't the only person to like this girl. she was the most sought after girl in our grade, the one every guy would kill to call his.
they tripped over each other trying to ask her out, even though it was common knowledge she had a steady boyfriend in the year below. she had to reject boys practically every other day.
it would break my heart every time i witnessed the fallout when things got ugly. boys would call her a bitch, a slut, a cunt. once her nudes were even leaked, and half the school turned against her.
i was different. not once did i ask her out or flirt with her. half the time i didn't dare let my eyes linger on her for too long.
for a while, i pondered this. why it was common behaviour for boys to abuse girls who didn't like them, while girls who liked girls were wrong for liking them in the first place.
one day it came to me, and it felt like a punch in the chest:
boys who like girls feel they have the right to own them.
girls who like girls feel they don't even have the right to look at them.
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