This Can't Be// Shawn Mendes

Yes We Did.

*Macky's POV*

What am I doing with my life? Best friends don't have sex with each other, especially because we're horny the second time. Ya the first time was to learn and not let a random dude take my virginity. The second time was because we are horny and need each other. We're best friends with benefits! OMG! Shawn and I do basically everything couples do. We kiss, cuddle, hold hands, Shawn walks me to class, and we have sex.

Honestly the second time turned into something a little special, well for me. The whole to point was to get our hormones in control, but when Shawn told me I was beautiful in every way I actually did feel that way. At that point we weren't having sex to have sex, it felt like we were having sex to be intimate with each other.

I really need to talk to someone. Shawn and I had sex twice within three weeks about. I laid in bed rethinking everything I'm doing. I was falling for Shawn "What the hell is wrong with me? I'm definitely going to regret this later." I called one of the other boys, Matthew Espinosa.

The phone rang and I waited "Hello, Macky" Matt said all happy. I knew Matt for nine year, he was also my best friend.

"Hey, Matt. Are you busy right now?" I asked. "Something happened and I wanna talk about it..."

"No, just playing Call of Duty with all the guys we're steaming together. What's up?" I sighed and sat on my bed "Aye, guys I gotta go. I'll join later. Macky, what's wrong?" Matt gave me his full attention "Do wanna meet up? I'll meet you at the park."

//

"So just to clarify what you telling me, you think you like Shawn?" Matt asked me. I nodded and sighed, we walked on the track and towards the hills. "But you don't know if you like him like him?"

I don't know. "I honestly don't know if I do and I don't want to... Shawn is my best friend and I can't lose him" I looked at Matt and we sat on the top relaxing. "It's only gonna go one way. It's either Shawn like me too and we date or he doesn't after I tell him I like him, but at the end of both things change."

Matt looked at me "What are you not telling? You guys been weird, there's obviously something that happened to make this happen. Tell me." I could trust Matt.

"You won't judge or tell anyone?" Matt nodded. "Okay, uhmm, how do I say this?"

"It can't be that bad?" Matt chuckled.

Just say and get it out. "Me and Shawn had sex" I said quickly. Matt stared at me "We had sex... That's what happened, the first time was-"

"Wait! You guys had sex more than once? When did this happen?" Matt said cutting me off.

I sighed and laid on my back "Twice, remember Johnson's party? That night Shawn took me home and he spent the night like usual, then my parents thought we had sex. We didn't that night. They kept telling me that I should lose my virginity to Shawn, Shawn told me that he'll give me lessons about sex and stuff. That's what happened, then the second time was different."

I looked at the sunset and Matt faced me "It was more than just sex to you, huh?" I nodded and sighed. "Can I ask you something?" I looked over and nodded. "How do you feel around Shawn, now that you guys been having sex?"

"Time stops. Everything is more exciting than it usually is, having him around is fun, and I wonder what he's doing when he's not with me. I think about him when I'm not doing anything, i don't know what I'm suppose to do?" Matt shrugged and we looked at the sunset. "What does Shawn tell you?"

"You're not telling me everything."

I bit the inside of my lip and looked at Matt "The deal was that if one of us start having feelings we stop everything and seeing each other until we are over it... That's what I'm scared of."

Matt sighed and sat up "It will go away, trust me. You'll find a guy, you'll move on from Shawn, and before you know it you'll fall in love with someone else. Probably not now, but later; it takes a lot of time for that."

I sat up and put on my jacket "How do you know?"

"Remember Kimberley? I had was crazy for her ever since sixth grade, remember that? We started talking and getting close seventh grade. She moved away at the end sophomore year, I couldn't do anything about it. We both had to move on, look where I am now five months later. I have a girlfriend, that's amazing" Matt said smiling. "That's life. For all we know you'll fall for the hot shot rookie, Luke, months from now."

I chuckled "I don't even know who that is, Matt."

"And I didn't know who Addy was either. Don't worry about it so much. Your feelings aren't even clear right now, when they are talk to me." Matt stood up and stuck his hand out to me, I grabbed it and he pulled me up. Matt was the only one who really had the best advice about basically anything. We walked back from where we came from "Did you like it? Was Shawn good?"

I turned and faced Matt "Dude! I'm not telling you about my sex life."

"So it was good?" he smirked back. I smacked his arm and we started laughing. "Just tell me, come on."

I sighed and Matt was doing his cute little pout "Fine, only because you know I can't resist the pout. It was amazingly good, Shawn knew how to work okay." Matt smiled and put his arm around my neck as we walked in silence "How would you know if you love someone like not as a friend way, but more?"

Matt looked at me "When kimberly moved away, I felt like part of me was gone. I couldn't function for a while because I was so use to having her around almost every day and one day it wasn't like that anymore. You'll know if you do, they become that one person that matters to you, you'll do anything for them, and that person is the one you think about three o'clock in the morning. Over time, you learn to live without them and that what killed me the most. Kimberly will always a special place in my heart, with Addy it's the same way you descirbed it with Shawn." I nodded and Matt sighed "Think about it, but you have to give it time..."

We kept walking and got to the curb "Could this stay between us?"

"Ya, I promise. I'll see you later, girly" Matt hugged me and walked over to his car, then drove off. I walked across the street two blocks down back to my house.