This Can't Be// Shawn Mendes

Bayron Beach

*Shawn's POV*

I really know how to fuck things up. I'm an idiot. I woke up really early this morning about 5:30, so I decided to go on a run down to Bayron Beach that was about two miles away. I had music playing as I ran, I watched the sunrise and relaxed and clearing my mind from all this craziness.

I finally got to the beach and pulled off my shirt tucking it to my shorts, took off my shoes and socks and holding it as I walked along the water. "There was a time, I thought you did everything right. No lies, no wrongs, boy I must have been out of my mind. I remember the time when I almost loved you, you showed your ass and I saw the real you" I heard someone singing all out with a guitar. Not just anyone, Macky. The lyrics hit me hard and felt even more worse.

I turned around and she was sitting on a log with a little fire in front of her. What is she doing here? I walked over and sat on the sand, I smiled at her. Macky was so focused on the music, I recorded her "I know you want me back, it's time to face the facts. I'm the one that got away, lord knows it will takes another place another time another world another life. Thank god I found the good in goodbye." She looked up at me and stopped.

I smiled and she didn't smile back, jaws clenched and eyebrows furrowed together. "Hey. I haven't seen you pick up that guitar in forever, you should play more" I said. "What are you doing here, aren't you suppose to be at the hospital?"

Macky sat the guitar on the ground and looked at the fire "And you care because?" Macky snapped at me. I looked at her confused and she just shook her head at me. "Forget it, I'm here because I needed to rethink my fucked up life. And no, I was released at the middle of the night so I walked here."

I nodded "Why didn't you call? I woulda picked you up." She just shook her head and threw sticks into the fire "Why?"

She looked up at me and her eyes were watery "Why should I Shawn? Lately everytime I'm with you or even see you I feel like a fucking idiot. I'm just like all those other girls, a walking sex toy, that's all I am too you. I told you how hurt I was and I didn't say a single word back but to keep it a secret. All you care about is playing with my feelings. If I wanted that I woulda went to a fuckboi, but I didn't I came to you." Macky was breathing hard and looking at the fire.

I sighed and wanted to cry "I didn't know what to say..."

Macky scoffed and kicked sand into the fire "I can't do this anymore. You could do your MAGCON crap or whatever, I'm done with you.... It's been days and you still can't say 'I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, I was being a dumbass.' Shawn it's been almost four days and all you do was pretend like that didn't happen." Macky put her shoes back on and grabbed her guitar walking away.

I slipped my shoes on quick and ran over "Macky!" I had this huge apologize thing at her house set up. I couldn't put the words together that I wanted to say, so I wrote it down. She ignored me and walked "Just talk to me, please. I-"

Macky shook her head "If I want to talk to someone, then I'll go to Matt, Cam, Nash, or Luke. I told you I'm done, I can't keep letting myself fall for these stupid tricks."

"What tricks? None of this is a trick" I said catching up. "Macky!" I grabbed her wrist and pulled her over. I kissed her and moved my lips against hers, but hers never moved. "This is all real" her head was in my hands as my forehead rested on hers.

She sighed and tears fell "It's not the same, it's all gone. I dont have butterflies or nervous, it's like before all this. I can't, I told you that my heart broke when I saw you kissing Janessa. You weren't there to put it back together and make me feel better, you did what I thought you would never do to me. You left me hurt and in pain. The second you didn't respond with what I wanna hear, you made me feel like a joke. Useless... It was you of all people. I don't love you the way we want me too, maybe before but not anymore."

Tears fell from my eyes and I dropped my arms as she walked away "You were in love with me..." I said softly. God, I should have just listened to the guys. "Macky wait! I do love you!" she kept walking. I love her.

"Have fun at your MAGCON thing..." Macky said and forced a light smile. "I regret every decision I made with you." she mumbled walking away. Me too...

Tears fell down my cheeks quick and next thing I know I'm crying my eyes out. Now I know what Macky meant and feels. Loving someone, who doesn't love you the way you want to hurts like hell.

I made my way home and I found Macky near a tree. The tree where we carved our names with a heart around it saying 'Mackenzie & Shawnsty BFFL'. I sighed and slowly walked away and went inside the house. From my room I could see Macky doing the same and going in the house.

Guess I'm going to do MAGCON then. As stupid I could be, Macky hates me and wants nothing to do with me.