This Can't Be// Shawn Mendes

millions of pieces

*Macky's POV*

"Hey..." I looked over and Shawn was standing there with his hands in his pockets as he gave me a light smile. I could feel my eyes getting watery once we made eye contact. I looked away and towards Matt as a tear dropped down my cheek. "Uhmm, could we talk Macky? In private?" Shawn asked. I ignored him and turned up the TV volume up a little. "Macky, please?"

"We're gonna go now, then. We'll be back tomorrow around lunch, do you need anything?" Cameron said hugging me. Everyone started to say bye, Luke stood there smiling.

"I'll be outside so you could talk. Want any food?" Luke said to me with both his hands in his pockets. I shook my head "You know the reason your here is because your not eating regularly. I'm gonna find you something good and your going to eat it." I rolled my eyes as I smiled and Luke walked out.

Shawn stood at the foot of the bed "So you and Luke? I'm sorry, for messing it up the first time you guys meet. I was just jealous and everything. With your mom she showed up at out house with blood on her what were we suppose to do? Macky, I'm so sorry about last night it was never my intention." Bullshit.

I scoffed "Whatever Shawn. I could get over the first two, Luke and I are good friends and my mom was bound to end up in jail. You told people what my mom did to me, I told you because I trusted you and knew you'll be the one to be by my side and could turn to whenever. I'm over it, now okay it just hurts a little. I don't even know why I bothered with this."

"You said trusted... What you don't trust me anymore? You don't want anything to do with me either?" Shawn had tears falling. He walked over by my side and grabbed my hand "I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry for being a terrible bestie. Please forgive me..." tears fell down the side of my face.

My heart craved Shawn, but it broke even more when he held my hand and when he says my name. It's in millions of pieces now. As much as it keeps breaking I still need Shawn. I put my hand on his cheek and wiped his tears, it didn't feel the same. There was not butterflies or shivers, it felt wrong. My heart was repelling Shawn. I pulled my hand away "Shawn... I-I I just need some time... Away from you. You're my bestie and nothing I will ever change that, no one will ever replace you. I can't explain myself right now, I don't even understand myself."

"I understand, it makes sense. I'll see you tomorrow, eat. I don't want anything bad happening to you" Shawn hugged me, then headed to the door. Why was he kissing Janessa? I need to know.

Now! Say it! He's leaving! Come on! "Why Janessa? Of everyone you kissed Janessa, Cameron's girlfriend..." I blurted out before Shawn grabbed the handle. "Don't tell me that you were drunk, not thinking, or it just happened please."

Shawn had his back to me as his head hung down "I didn't know you were at the party until Cameron told me. I wanted to talk to you, but I didn't know what to say. Janessa was giving me advice on what to do and how I could fix it. It was just- I was hurt and I wanted to feel something. When Janessa made a move on me I went for it, I wanted my feelings to be clear and not all confusing." Shawn didn't face me once.

I nodded even though he didn't see me and sighed "Since we started all those lessons, I had to remind myself that everything wasn't real. Whatever was going on between us wasn't real, whatever I felt wasn't love or whatever." Shawn turned around and we made eye contact "My heart broke that night. I showed up at the party, you had your arm around this girl and you were smiling and happy. So I avoided you, later I walked into Taylor's room to use his bathroom and I saw two people kissing on his bed. I ignored it and when I came out, Janessa said your name. I prayed so hard that it was going to be a different Shawn and not my Shawn... I guess I was so use to being that girl, the girl that made you smile, laugh, happy, and under your arm; I was so stupid to think I was the one... Even though we weren't dating and only friends, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world and I am because I have you. I know my feelings is everywhere, but I know there was some good feeling that wanted me to be with you."

Shawn sighed and sat on the bed facing
"Bye. I know this is asking a lot, but you don't have to if you don't want to. Uhmm, could you keep the whole me and Janessa thing between us" he pulled away.

I sighed "If you don't tell him, someone is going to have to... Shawn you know Cameron since the sixth grade and you know how crazy Cameron is for her. If you couldn't stop her for me, then you should have for Cam." Shawn walked out the door and Luke walked in with a tray. He didn't even respond to me... He put it the tray on the table, the wheeling it so it was over me.

"You okay?" I shook my head and Luke sat next to me. I hugged him tight and a few tears fell, I had a similar feeling in my stomach that was like whenever I was with Shawn. I felt that everything would be okay. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

I sighed and pulled away, Luke sat in the chair and we way. "Shawn was kissing this girl at the party..."