I'm Not Okay (rewrite)

Chapter Five

I wake up later than I wanted to. Today was Sunday, which meant I had school tomorrow. Just for a few days, then I graduate! What am I gonna do with my life? I mentally slap myself. Now is not the time for an existential crisis. I have homework, and I also want to see Frank. I grabbed my cell phone off my bedside table, and nervously call Frank.

"Hey, what's up?" He answers so calmly, but I'm here sweating and shaking.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over. I have some homework, and I don't feel like being alone."

"Sure, I'll be over in a bit," he says, and I mentally cheer.

"Kay. See ya in a minute."

"Bye." I hang up and start my homework. It was a bit dull, just some stuff about algae and that crap. When I get about halfway through my paper, I have the urge to cut. I slide out of my bed and walk into the bathroom, grabbing my razor. I start with my hips, cutting until I run out of space. I wipe my hot tears from my face so I can see what I'm doing. I start on my thighs. Just as I make the first cut on my right thigh, I hear a banging on my bathroom door.

"Caroline? Are you okay?" I hear Frank call desperately. Shit.

"I'm o-kay." My voice cracks from crying.

"Stop it! Open the door and let me help you!" He bangs on the door again. Where are Nelly and Claire? They should be telling him to fuck off, they're my friends.

"I don't need help. I'm helping myself. I'm fine." I call bravely. I hear the door unlock, and I know he found the key that was on top of the door frame. I see him walk in the door angrily.

"No Frank!" I'm interrupted by lips crashing into mine. I close my eyes and kiss Frank back. He pulls away, and I blush, remembering the fact I'm wearing my pajamas still.

"You promised you would stop." He whispers and I see tears in his eyes. How did I do this to him? He knew I did it. I feel really bad.

"I had to." I sob. He sighs, and opens my mirror cabinet to get the rubbing alcohol. He grabs a cotton ball and dips it in the alcohol, then dabs it on my cuts. It stings, but I have to control myself. He finishes with the alcohol, then he puts band aids on all the deep cuts. When he finishes, he grabs my wrists and pulls me so he can look into my eyes.

"If you don't stop, your life is going to be a living hell. Not because I did anything, but because you did." I nod, accepting his words. I do need to stop. I'm going to end up dead or in the hospital.

"Come on." He pulls me out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. I sit on my bed, and pull my homework out. He gets into the bed next to me, and helps me with the little knowledge of algae he has. I finished the paper, and lay down and put my head on Franks chest. I hear his heart beating, and it's very soothing. He puts his arm on my waist loosely, careful not to touch my thighs. I nuzzle my head into the crook of his neck, and he moves his hand to my back to pet me. I close my eyes and nap.

When I wake up, Frank has his arms tightly wound around my waist. I roll over so that I am facing Frank, and gently kiss his cheek to wake him.

"Hey. What time is it?" He whispers.

"Like 1:00ish. Do you want me to make some lunch?" I reply. I don't feel like cooking but if he's hungry I'll make something.

"Yes please." I sit up and walk out of my room and then into the kitchen. Nelly is sitting at the table, eating a slice of cheese pizza.

"Hey. I ordered a pizza, and used your card. You and Frank can have some, I'm done." She stands and leaves, probably off to her room to watch Doctor Who or Sherlock. So rude. I've done worse though. One time I put superglue on the bottom of her shoes.

"Hey Frank! Get down here! Pizza!" He comes running instantly. He runs to the table and sits, already halfway through a slice of pizza.

"How... You're eating so fast!" I say, a bit impressed.

"I'm used to sharing food with three other guys. I had to learn to eat quick or don't eat."

"Good point. Claire eats like, nothing. Nelly eats everything, and I eat whenever I feel hungry. I rarely do, but ya know, it works." He nods and eats his pizza. I nibble at mine, and after a few bites, I feel full.

"I'm done. You can have the rest of my slice if you want it." I walk away to my bathroom, hoping Frank doesn't follow. When I enter my sanctuary, I'm afraid. I've only done this a few times. I stand myself in front of the toilet, and stick my fingers down my throat. I move the hand out of the way, just in time for my puke to land in the toilet, none spilling on me or the floor. I shuffle to the counter, and brush my teeth. Then I brush my teeth again, then again, and again, but my mouth still tastes bad. I sigh, knowing it's not going to get better. I open the bathroom door, and go back downstairs to Frank. He's watching MTV. There's a My Chemical Romance music video on.

"Hey! That's you!" I laugh and Frank kisses me. I blush, and we watch Tv until Frank leaves, and I go to bed.