Hasta La Proxima Vez

All For Her

Mabigat ang mga hakbang ko habang palabas ng kwarto. Hindi ko na tinangkang lumingon pa dahil natatakot akong magbago ang isip ko kapag nakita ko si Glaiza. I know I hurt her and maybe I will regret my decision when my memory gets back but I will just cross the bridge when I get there. Tsaka ko na iisipin ang consequences ng ginawa ko. Ang mahalaga, malaya na ko. I'm free to the love that never was. Malaya na ko sa pagmamahalan namin na hindi ko naman talaga alam kung nangyari talaga. Kung minahal ko sya o kung hanggang ngayon minamahal ko pa din sya, bakit sya nakalimutan ng isip ko? Of all the memories na pwedeng makalimutan, bakit sya pa? Dahil ba hindi ko naman talaga sya minahal? Baka nabigla lang ako noon. Baka sinubukan ko lang mag explore. Baka dumaan lang ako sa phase ng buhay ko na nalito ako, naghanap at nagkataong sya ang nandun para sa'kin. Maraming baka pero gusto kong subukan ang paano. Paano kung hindi ako nagpunta ng Amerika? Paano kung hindi ko sya nakilala? Paano kung walang kami? Hindi siguro magiging komplikado ang lahat. Wala siguro akong kailangang iwan at hindi ko siguro sya kailangang saktan.

I know it's selfish. I am selfish. Pero hindi ko kayong makisama sa taong hindi ko naman kilala. Ayokong habang buhay na mag isip. Ayokong magkaron ng doubt sa kanya at sa sarili ko. Hindi ko alam kung kailan babalik ang mga nawalang alaala ... o kung babalik pa ba. Ayoko syang maghintay, ayoko syang paasahin dahil alam ko dadating ang panahon na hindi lang ako ang mapapagod kundi ganun din sya. Kaya ngayon pa lang pipiliin ko ng umalis at iwan sya. I know eventually, her pain will fade away. Her love for me will vanished. She will forget me and the heartache that I caused her. Time will come that I will be a forgotten memory to her ... and she will meet someone that will give back all the love that she can give. She'll move on and so do I ...

Sumakay na ko sa kotseng naghihintay sa'kin sa tapat ng bahay namin. I saw my mom and my dad sitting on the front. My dad is on the steering wheel while my mom sits beside her on the passenger seat. I open the door and put my luggage, then I sit on the backseat quietly. I'm not looking at anyone in particular. My parents look at me but they decided not to talk. Nang umandar ang sasakyan namin, tsaka pa lang nalaglag ang mga luha sa mga mata ko. I felt my heart tighten as I look back in our house. Lumingon ako sa kahuli hulihang sandali habang papaliit ng papaliit sa paningin ko ang bahay na naging saksi ng lahat. I cried for the lost love ... I cried for the forgotten memory of her ... I cried for her ... I cried for myself. I cried for one last time. And then I will leave everything behind because I planned to start my life all over again ... in the Philippines, where I truly belong.

The moment our plane touched down the airport of Manila, I felt the need to be happy. This is home. I am finally home. Pero bakit parang ang bigat pa din ng nararamdaman ko? Bakit parang naiwan ang kalahati ng buhay ko sa Amerika? I breathe deeply and compose myself. Naninibago lang siguro ako. Matagal din kase akong nanatili sa Amerika.

"Are you ok, baby?" My Dad asked and gave me a worried look. He sits in between me and mom.

"Yeah, never better." Pinilit kong ngumiti ngunit alam kong hindi umabot sa mga mata ko. I looked away and decided to unfastened my seatbelt para makaiwas na din sa iba nya pang tanong.

Our family driver fetched us and drive us straight to our mansion in Alabang.

"Welcome home Rhi!" My sister Nadine welcomed me with a big hug when I opened the door of our house. She's smiling widely and I can't help but to smile back at her. We hug each other so tight. I badly need that hug especially now that I felt shattered. The moment we separate from each other, I put my mask down. Nagkunwari akong masaya sa harap nila dahil ayokong maawa sila sa'kin. I know my sister knew my situation already. My accident and my partial amnesia. She's all eyes on me. Her husband Jaime also hug me.