i exist [as the definition of nonexistence]

The bitter kind

i've lost all feeling in my chest

lungs collapsing

heart racing

thundering.

My eyes are flashing lights

shades of gold and white

Blue irises dilating into black pits

The touch of silk

rough edges

Brick wall

Pouring rain

Fragmented memories.

Maybe it's the

pleasure,

senses tingling.

I'm--

shit.

I'm falling,

in a dingy alley

on a cold Winter night,

for a girl who smells like

desperation

and coffee.

The bitter kind.

The kind meant for

sad people.

--