i exist [as the definition of nonexistence]

the point of dreaming

The point of dreaming is to not exist
And in that state of nonexistence
you reach your not-hands into the tangled threads of your psyche
and pull out the most ravage, destroyed parts of yourself.
Your nonexistent heart thumps painfully
as you sculpt unmade creatures
and four dimensional thoughts
and backwards sentences
and you fall,
up,
up,
up.
The point of dreaming is to coexist.
And in that state of coexistence you hold hands with the sun
and swim in clouds
and your shadow is your best friend.
You whisper to them about that paper castle
with its two-faced princess.
Your fear is a man in a pinstriped suit
with twenty mouths,
each one starving,
yearning to devour you.
The point of dreaming is to know.
And in that state of knowledge you are omnipotent,
a god with circles under your eyes
and crescent moons in the palms of your hands
from a paralysis so deep
you are very sure the man made of glass shards is sitting on your chest
as he braids your hair and kisses your cheek.
The point of dreaming is to be.
And in that state of being you are stardust and black holes,
neither alive nor dead but other.
Ichor runs in your veins
and when you scrape your knees on crumbling headstones
you leave smears of ink and gold.
You are and aren't
and all of the spaces of words in between,
a sense of something that is not quite there.
You are the ghost in the room too large for you,
the wind in the upside down world.
The point of dreaming is to remember.
And in that state of remembrance
you cannot discern the difference between what is real and what isn't.
You are so sure you met a boy with feathers around his neck
and a girl who held your hand with webbed fingers,
but they are nothing more than vivid thoughts buried into your brain,
rooted so deeply in who you are that they
shape you.
The point of dreaming is to finally figure it out,
but just when you think it's begun to make sense,
you wake up.
You are left to wonder if anything you saw,
or did,
or created,
meant anything to begin with.
And when you fall asleep again,
the cycle continues.
The point of dreaming is to not exist...