i exist [as the definition of nonexistence]

let's talk about choosing sides

i.

You're placed in a fork in the road. Nondescript. There are trees, shadows, sunlight filtering through and making your fingers glow as you reach for the sky. The road is smooth stones, warm under bare feet.
Choose a side, a voice tells you, but you don't see the point. Don't both paths lead in the same direction? You don't know what direction exactly, but they both end there, so why choose?
Choose
There is a boy. The boy looks like an angel cut from marble and fire, sharp cheekbones and gold hair and eyes like twin moons. Even so far away you know he tastes like smoke and he wears big sweaters and he'll let you ride his motorcycle without question. He thinks you look hot in leather, but he loves you in anything. You know that he loves cats and is allergic to peanut butter and his mother sings old rock music while she makes homemade chocolate. He looks rough, but he is gentle when he takes you to bed the first time. He holds you when you wake up from nightmares. You know him, and you know that you could love him.
There is a girl. She is parchment paper and dark nights, wild curls and wild smiles and wild eyes. The boy may look like dangerous, but this girl is danger, and you are infatuated. She wears plum lipstick and kisses like you're air and she has no problem leaving marks that people will see. You don't mind. Her family adores you, and vice versa. They make you Sheppard's Pie and she can't help but giggle when you admit to knowing French. Then, while everyone gossips in the backyard of her pretty Southern home, she takes your hand and you dance in summer dresses, damp grass tickling your bare feet. She kisses you and tells you that you are her Apollo, and she Icarus. She would die for a chance to be loved by you. You know her, and you know that you could love her.
Choose.

ii.

Two roads diverged in a wood and I
I stopped. I was stuck, confused, conflicted. You love them both, you know you do. They are the moon and sun to you. You want to kiss his collarbone and play with her hair and ride his bike at two in the morning and let her push you against the wall at three. You want to hold their hands.
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I thought about the two of them. They seemed perfect for each other. You close your eyes and you can see them laughing together, dancing together, kissing. You see yourself there too. Is this some weird fantasy of yours or is there more to it?
You realize you love them both.
Is that possible? Is it okay to love more than just one soul, one heart?

iii.

You reach out to them both.
You tangle your fingers in her hair and grip his shirt and hold them close, hold them close, you are never letting go, you love them both. They are exactly what you need. Same, yet different, two people who love you. And, god, do you love them.
You choose them both.
Both. Strange to think it's even possible.
They cling to one another as well. You are a triad of love and need and want and nothing has ever felt more right.

.

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(I don't know where I was going with this, tbh. It's 3am and I just started writing and let my brain fill in the blanks. Went from bi to poly. Nice. Happy Pride month, my dudes)