i exist [as the definition of nonexistence]

an introduction.

Hello.

I'm a lonely child,

A shy girl

It takes me hours to work up a response and even then

I choke.

I'm a lover and a bruised fist and waking up at 3am with tears

From a life I never lived

I write about my mother on every other page

Filling in the blank spaces of my memory with daydreams,

Pretending she's not made of barbed wire

That she didn't ruin my life.

And sometimes, I write about dragons, and they have pretty brown eyes and

When they fly the world stands still to watch with wonder and--

I tell myself they're the villain.

I convince myself that I am the princess, and in this story

The dragon is the one that's trapped in a cage and the greedy princess has the key.

I'm an avid believer in everyday antiheroes

I think time is irrelevant and

I don't sleep most nights because my train of thought doesn't have a station to stop at

If you asked me what I thought about death

I'd laugh and make some joke about

Waiting.

In reality the inevitability of the end

Scares me.

For a person afraid of their own shadow I've got a god complex

Maybe it's part of being a writer

I put lovers and enemies into my stories like I own them

And I destroy them.

See, I'm a rambler.

And nothing i say ever makes sense

Everything's a metaphor like

Moving on is arson and

Breaking hearts is a game of Russian roulette.

I'll tell you that all men are cannibals that will rip open chests to get to hearts,

And all women are sirens that love to lure and drown and devour.

And I'll tell you that sometimes breaking a mirror is the only way to feel whole.

Feel free to stop listening after I say hello.