i exist [as the definition of nonexistence]

opposites attract and we were mirror images

breath held, trembling, heaving,

driving my hands into the gory truths of my nightmares like a girl desperately searching,

driving my hands between the ribs of a broken girl and pulling out her heart, planting wine-red kisses across the right ventricle,

driving my hands into my head and ripping out every memory.

Breath held, gasping, moaning,

thinking about that backseat late night kiss,
her teeth on me like a starving animal,
her hands the only thing keeping me from dissolving into a winter breeze,

thinking about a white line between two sets of feet,
coy smiles as the two of us danced around a very ravaging topic,

thinking about a yellow restroom and glitter on my hands,
her face,
her soul,
her ruby lips whispering an intoxicating religion across my neck.

Breath held, sobbing, choking.

driving my hands into my heart and untangling every knot she left,
every unknowable word and murmured "I love you",

thinking about her and him and them and
every destructive thing she will not share with me,

Because she is afraid
I am afraid
we are simultaneously falling apart