i exist [as the definition of nonexistence]

ha.

I want to tell you--

I want it to make sense--

I want--

I don't know what I want.

Happiness?

Sure, everyone wants that.

Love?

It's only ever been a dream.

You?

Oh god, you.

You with flowers and thorns in your hair,

Stars and supernovas in your eyes.

You with a warrior's heart.

You are so much more,

So much...

More.

I wish I could put it into words,

How much I think about you,

Worry about you,

Sigh your name against my hand

Late at night.

How silly and strange that must seem,

But I don't care.

I don't

Care.

I'm a cataclysmic train wreck,

A devastating disaster.

I don't deserve you,

At all,

But I am so desperately in love with you,

That the idea of losing you--

Of losing the home that I've found

In your arms--

It rips me apart.

I want to tell you--

I want it to make sense--

I love you

And I'm sorry