oxymoron.

Chapter Twenty Three

Poison & Wine: The Civil Wars ****Quite arguably the best song ever, just so we are clear.****

Louis' POV

I could feel my heart tearing to a million little pieces as I got off the phone with Zayn. I don't know what to feel, I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do. She cheated on me. With Niall. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe it wasn't Elise. Maybe it was some other girl that looked like her. I wasn't even gone a few hours and she kissed Niall.

Where did I go wrong? What did I do wrong? Was I too clingy or suffocating? I thought we were so good together. I thought she loved me. How long had she been hooking up with Niall? Was this the millionth time they have kissed? I ran my fingers through my hair and sat down on the edge my bed in my grandma's house.

Was this anger? Or depression? Or some other emotion? Was she with him now? Were they kissing right now? It made me sick to think of it. It made me sick to think of her. Tears streamed down my face. Normally I never cry, but I have cried in front of Elise. I opened up to her, I defended her to my parents, I did everything for her. Was I stupid to think that I would actually have a chance? My phone rang, it was her. I pieced together as much of my heart as I could.

"Hey Louis!" She said cheerily and I was breaking, "Sorry I just got out of the studio," That's a lie, "How is everything, how is your grandmother?"

"She's getting better," I muttered, I couldn't handle it to say anything else.

"That's so good to hear! I can't wait to see you again, I miss you," She said, that was probably a lie.

"Elise, I think we should break up," Here come the tears and the heart break.

"What? Louis? What are you talking about, why?" Her voice dripped with concern, then a gasp of realization, "Louis, I'm sorry I just didn't know what was happening. I lost my head for a second and then he-"

"Please just save it," I croaked, "I don't love you, I never did. It was all impulsive crap. Sorry. I have to go now." If she could only know how much that killed me to say.

She was quiet for a while, "Louis, please wait. You can't say that, not now, not after everything we've been through. Please. Don't say that please." I could hear the desperation and the sadness.

"Look I never loved you, I lied about everything, I never cared about you, you were just another slut I wanted to hook up with. You were nothing more than that to me. Now goodbye." I couldn't last another minute, I hung up the phone. I could almost hear her sobbing. All of that was false. I will always love her.

I threw my phone at the pillows on my bed, I never wanted to see that phone again. Was our entire relationship a lie? Was every 'I love you' that she has ever said to me a lie? Was every moment that I had cherished with her false? Has she been thinking of Niall this entire time? Every kiss, hug, held hand, word all gone now? Did that even matter to her?

All I could do was replay every moment with her. Every time I played with her hair and every time I made her laugh, blush or smile. All of it was poisoned. I wanted to spend the rest of life with her, I really did. I have only myself to blame. I should have known. I shouldn't have invested myself so much. Now it was over, I'm back to being alone.

A knock on my door threw my out of my depression. My grandmother came into the room on her wheelchair.

"Louis I heard you crying, what's wrong?" We had a special bond, my grandmother and I. She always knew when something was wrong, "Is there a girl problem?"

"Kind of," I sniffed and wiped my tears away, "But it's over now. I'm over it."

"No you aren't, is it about that girl that you showed my pictures of and that you gushed about for hours."

"Um yeah, we kind of just broke up." I said, looking down into my lap, "She kissed another guy."

"Oh, well I am very sorry for you Lou, I know you really loved her. But it will get better, I know it hurts now, but it gets better." She said, putting her hand on my back. I hope she's right because I feel like all types of melancholy.

"I still love her, I know it was just a mistake but I just felt we needed time apart. I need her, Gran, I need her more than you can imagine." I tried to keep myself from crying.

"Lou, you can cry," She whispered, "I have seen you cry before, not over a girl though. Maybe time apart will be good for you. Maybe you can move on. She doesn't seem like she's worth your time."

"I told her I didn't love her.

My phone was ringing, I didn't want to look at it, I knew it was her. Gran just looked at it and then looked at me. She gave me this look. I knew I had to answer.

"Louis?" Elise said when I answered. I regret everything I had said to her just minutes ago. Her voice cracked with tears, "I want you to know how sorry I am. I am such an idiot for doing something like that, you were the best thing to ever happen to me. Look, I guess I wanted to say that I will never stop loving you and that I really messed up. I'm sorry. You mean the world to me and now that you're gone, I, I, I'm sorry, Lou, I'm so so sorry."

I said nothing, I couldn't say anything. "I'm sorry that I kissed him. I'm sorry I am not good enough for you because you are amazing. You are, were, the best boyfriend anyone could ask for, but I wasn't the best girlfriend. I'm sorry. I should let you go now, you're with your family and all. I'm sorry." The line went dead.

"Louis," Gran said, "She sounds upset and sorry."

"I don't love her, Gran, please stop talking about it." I said and I just walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I sat with my head against the door, I probably slammed it a couple of times. Gran left the room.

I was alone again. I could hear my family laughing in the next room. She was probably crying in her dorm on Niall's shoulder and he kissed her forehead. She would forget about me soon enough. It hurt just to think of her. If I had a choice, I would choose to be with Elise.