oxymoron.

Chapter Twenty Two

********A/N: So the day before yesterday, two yesterdays ago, I reached my 200th read and I would like to thank you all very much for reading. It's so flabbergasting to know that there are two hundred and plus people who want to read what I write. So again, I thank you a million times. I'm really proud of this story, and this chapter. Anyway, I'd like to give a shout out to my friend Wartney who gave me a shout out on her twitter. She's also a decent gal and one of my closest friends, I guess she's funny too. Wartney was also a partial inspiration for some of the things that happens in oxymoron. I was thinking of possibly making a twitter for this account? I'm not sure, let me know what you think about that. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Much love and other emotions, I'm outtie.***********

You're Not Sorry: Taylor Swift

Elise's POV

I am infuriated. How could I have let that happen? I let him kiss me and I kissed him back. Louis has been giving me chance after chance and I keep throwing them away for Niall. There was just something about him I can't let go of. God, I am so pissed right now. I'm not really mad at Niall though, I'm mad at myself.

I can't possibly tell Louis. It would crush him. Niall kissed me first. But I kissed him back. It was a mistake, an accident, it wasn't supposed to happen.

My mind kept replaying the kiss. I could have told him no or something, but I didn't. It's like I wanted it to happen. Did I want it to happen? I just remember staring into his desperate blue eyes and I was lost for a second. It's like I was hypnotized. Then he kissed me and it was amazing. There were sparks flying and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

What am I saying?

I have a boyfriend. I have Louis. But I want Niall. No. No, I don't want Niall. I want Louis. Louis alone. I am so angry. I can't believe I let that happen. Am I sorry that I kissed Niall? Of course I am, I cheated on my boyfriend for crying out loud. This can never happen again, I can never kiss Niall again.

I felt guilty about the kiss, but I was just so, so, intoxicated by him. This was the last straw, I can't keep putting myself in these positions. I was hurting myself, Louis and Niall.

Honestly, I had no idea where I was walking too. I really didn't want to go back to the dorm if Jen, my roommate, was there. The dance studio had a class going on, and Niall was at the library. All of my favorite places were taken, just when I needed somewhere to go.

Finally after twenty minutes of walking in circles I decided to sit by a campus lake or pond or whatever. The May air was warm, yet there was a breeze. Classes would be over soon, final exams started in a week. Summer back at home, no Louis, or Niall.

I sat on the ground right in front of the water's edge. It was very relaxing, there was no one around and it was very quiet, I should come here more often. I watched little fish dart back and forth and I saw my reflection in the water. It was sickening to me because it didn't even look like me. My hair was more brown than red, my eyes were dull. But I looked, innocent. I didn't feel innocent. I just cheated on my boyfriend, how could anything about me be innocent. If I didn't know what just happened, I would still think of myself as innocent probably. Sickened by my reflection I threw the nearest rock at it. I felt slightly better.

My phone began to ring. I was kind of disheartened by it because I was enjoying the solitude. I didn't even bother to see who was calling, I just answered.

"Hello my darling!" Louis. My eyes widened, of course he picks right now to call, "I just landed in London! The flight was okay, I had the pleasure of sitting next to my father. That was sarcastic. We didn't talk for six hours. It was quite awkward." I had to smile a little, I liked to hear him talk.

"That sounds fun!" I laughed, "Sorry Louis, but I have to go I'm just walking in to the studio now, I'll call you later okay?"

"Okay have fun!" I could practically hear his smile through the phone, "I love you! You're a wonderful dancer! Have a great day babe!" I said my goodbye and hung up the phone.

"You know, this pond looks nothing like the studio if I do say so myself," Niall said sitting down next to me, this is not going to end well.

"Jesus Niall," I said going to stand up, Niall pulled me back down, "You can't keep doing this you know, it's never going to work out.

"Why, my darling," Niall said pulling something out of his back pocket, "I was just returning this fine piece of literature to you." He placed my prized copy of Romeo and Juliet in my hands. So that's what I left at the library.

"Thank you Niall," I said, "But seriously, I have to go." I didn't have to go, I desperately wanted to stay.

"No you don't, you would have left already." Niall replied, he was right.

"We shouldn't have kissed. I shouldn't have kissed you back. We need to be friends, and just that, friends. Okay?" Something inside me knew I could never be just friends with Niall.

He leaned in closer to me, we were inches apart, "Tell me you are sorry for kissing me. Tell me you want me to stop, tell me you don't want to kiss me right now. Tell me that and I'll leave you alone. This time I promise."

Niall's smile weakened into a smirk, his eyes were shining and intense. I so desperately wanted to kiss him, but I had Louis. Niall moved closer. His hand was touching mine, sending goose bumps up my arm. We were now only centimeters apart.

"I knew it," Niall whispered, "You're not sorry." Then he kissed me. I ran my fingers through his hair, it felt so right. But I knew it was wrong. I just couldn't stop myself. We just sat there, kissing. I'm pretty sure I felt sparks.

"Elise?" I heard someone yell, "Niall?" Someone else yelled. Niall and I pulled away from each other in an instant. We looked at the direction of the voices.

Ava and Zayn. His arm was linked around her waist and both had unreadable expressions. No, no, no. This can't happen, not right now. This was probably about the worst possible thing that could happen.

"Ava wait," I said, she started to look mad, "I can explain. That wasn't supposed to happen."

"Well it didn't look like you were stopping it!" Ava yelled, "You have a boyfriend, one who loves you. I saw they way he looked at you Ellie, now you are throwing it away for him." She pointed at Niall.

"Ava please stop, I'm sorry that had to happen like it did, really I-"

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing too." She said as she walked away. She had a point.

"Not cool Niall." Was all Zayn said as he ran after her.

I looked back at Niall, he ran his fingers through his hair. He looked, guilty and triumphant at the same time. It's probably how I looked too. I picked up my book and started walking back to my dorm. I had so much to think about. Was I sorry about kissing Niall?

Of course I was, I am hurting Louis. I'm sorry for kissing Niall, right?