My Digital Escape One Shots

Broken

A/N: POSSIBLY TRIGGERING CONTENT. DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT THINK YOU ARE ABLE. I DO NOT WANT ANY OF YOU HURTING YOURSELVES. YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING, AND WONDERFUL HUMAN BEINGS AND, EVEN THOUGH I DON'T KNOW ANY OF YOU PERSONALLY, I WOULD BE EXTREMELY SAD IF ANY OF YOU PASSED. SO AGAIN, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE IT. THANK YOU.

******

"Bryan, please," you begged. "Please just calm down. You're drunk. Please just sit down so we can talk about this." He turned around quickly, leaving no longer his priority.

"I'm not going to stay and listen to you yell at me for nothing," he slurred out drunkenly. "I'm done with you and your bullshit."

"Bryan, please. I fucking love you! Are you just going to take our relationship and throw it away? Are you fucking kidding me? I waited two years to be with you, gave you everything I had, and after three years, you decide to throw me out like I'm garbage? I have never loved anyone more than you. No one. You're my everything. I can't fucking live without you!" He turned around and opened the door. You tried to grab his other hand, and he whipped around, his arm raised as though he was about to hit you. You shrunk back, tears beginning to fall from your eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice low, his head hanging down, "but I can't do this anymore." You stayed back this time, too scared he was going to hit you to try and stop him. You began to sob hysterically as the door shut, leaning against the wall and sliding against the floor as he left you alone and broken.

That was six days ago, and since then you've only gotten worse. You moved in with your best friend, Shannon, the apartment you and Bryan living in leased under his name. You haven't taken a shower for four days and you refuse to leave bed unless you need food or to use the bathroom. You've cried so much that you can't tell when you spontaneously begin crying. Your chest aches, it aches as though Bryan had taken your heart when he left.

At that very moment, you were laying in bed, feeling like the absolute scum of the earth. Shannon had tried multiple times to get you to talk about it, but each time resulted in uncontrollable tears. She tried calling Bryan to talk about something for a video and, as soon you hear the incoherent mumbles of his voice, you burst into tears and ran into the bathroom, getting into the shower and sitting down, crying your eyes out.

You hadn't eaten in almost a whole twenty-four hours, thinking that maybe if you got thinner, Bryan would like you again. You hadn't slept in at least a day or so, only because you were so used to Bryan cuddling you in your sleep that it was unnatural not having someone there to cuddle you.

You were having extremely unhappy thoughts, most of them consisting of death. You didn't enjoy the thoughts, in fact, even the mention of death scares the absolute fuck out of you. But, in that moment, the thought of death didn't seem so scary. You were physically, emotionally, and mentally in pain. You didn't want to deal with the pain any longer. It was becoming too much for you to handle, so you decided to do something about it. You got out of bed and grabbed some clean clothes. You went into the bathroom and started the shower. You decided that, hey, if you were going to end it all, then you'd at least be clean. You put on a pair of sweatpants and an old hoodie, a pair of mismatched socks with odd patterns on them. You sat on the floor of the bathroom with a pencil sharpener and a screwdriver, removing the blade and tossing the screw and plastic part to the side. You place the blade to your wrist and slid it down, watching in a sickening sort of amazement as a red stream of your own blood began to drip down your arm. You copied the action on your other arm, closing your eyes and laying down. You could feel all of your pain immediately leaving you, a feeling of relief filling you. If only there was a way to feel this way without hurting yourself. Oh well, it's too late now. Your vision was blurry and you were beginning to black out. You were okay with it, greeting death with open arms.

You let out a few tears as you began to slip into unconsciousness, a certain feeling of regret filling you. Maybe death wasn't such a great idea. Maybe if you had just bothered talking it out with Shannon or maybe Johnnie or Kyle or, hell, even Bryan then you would've been fine. You wanted time to stop for just a moment so that you could get someone to help you. You didn't want this, not anymore. You were panicking, your voice not working. You wanted desperately for Shannon to come home and help you but it wasn't happening. You needed someone to help you. You wanted someone to save you. You needed someone to be your hero. And, as you were nearly gone, your last waking moment was spent thinking of him. His face, his beautiful eyes and golden hair. His tall, lanky figure. Him. But he was nowhere.

"I'm sorry, Bryan."

******
I hope those of you who read the warning and knew not to read didn't. If you did read and couldn't take it, read my words and burn them into your soul.

You are a wonderful, gorgeous, beautiful human being. I don't think I know any of you personally but I can tell you that if any of you are thinking of self harm or suicide, PM me. You are all magnificent people with bright minds. You can go anywhere, do anything, and be the you you've always wanted to be. If things are hard for you now, please just keep going on. The future is always brighter. There are sad times; deaths, divorce, bullying, but I swear to you that things will get better if you let them. You are a soldier in a war against yourself and, my God, you have to win. Us people on Wattpad will help you fight. We are a family that cannot be separated and we will be here for you if you let us. I love all of you so much and it would kill me if any of you left this earth before it was your time. So please...don't do it.

I'll try and post again soon. And I know I said I would be posting a Jeydon one next, not another Bryan one, but I felt that this message had to be out there. I'll post the Jeydon one on Thursday. Then part two of the Jordan one. And sorry it was a day late.

Stay safe, stay strong, and stay BEAUTIFUL my Lil bitchez. I love you guys.

Yours Truly,

Andromeda Leigh Barnett