poems

Why

Why damn it why
Why can't I just die
Why on that day did I see your face
Why did I stop crying when I did
Why is it that the first time I really wanted to die I saw you
How is it that when I saw you I did stop stopping

I kept living for no reason
And all I saw was your beautiful face?

Why is it that every time I think of dying I think of you?
Not that you are
Or I am
Even though we've both basically said that we are
And have

But instead it's what keeps playing in my head
Over over over again
I just quit living and dying for one fleet second
I feel alive...
I just don't get it! I want to scream, I want to cry...
I just want to know why
Why is it You that talks me back from the edge
Why is it you I see in my head?
Especially because, no more like when, I don't see me in your eyes... but then as I write this with vision all blurred and if I were speaking voice all slurred
With each single tear I see in its glint
A spark a shine, just a hint
I still see you with eyes closed tight
Your sweet smile whispers "it'll be all right"
When alls wrong in the world and nothing is left
How come I close my eyes and see the only thing that's right?

I'm no good for you, you'd never want me.
In truth I know it's not, meant to be...
But see?
Even there when I denied myself the world
My heart missed a beat
And my breath caught...

I can't bear the thought...
Tears again,
But here I tell you
With every sick day you have I worry
I can't focus, or bear the thought
Of you hanging there from a knot
If a blood stained pillow
Or empty pill box
The devil, my mind sends me these thoughts
With every iv I'd new image
My stomach flips
Because I k ow I can't eben protect me
I hope for your safety
And I wish you well
But I'll send you flowers if you end down in hell
Besides the weather's warmer there anyway
And I've always loved the dark
But hey e rough of that
Just listen to my heart
Its still beating and I don't know why
_______________------___________
@$ I ommit that line and feed you a lie
I wonder if you'll buy it or why
Why do u toemwnt myself so
When I sadly already know
It'd never work for you and me
So then why are you still all I see?...