Pretend This didn't Happen

What if?

"How are you this morning hubby?" Andrea asked sliding into the booth across from her husband who was sitting alone in a darkened corner of the lounge drinking his coffee. "I woke up alone and concerned, the bed," softly Andrea spoke "was damp and smelled of mildew." Slightly tilting her head to the right "is everything alright?" Their was a definite air of concern in Andrea's eyes.

Gary turned his head side to side slowly with an expression of disinterest on his face "just another one of those times." Gary shrugged "I was a child," Gary was nearly disgusted "maybe 10 years old, always hiding from my own circumstances." Gary took another drink of his coffee "my family were always fighting with each other." Claire filled their coffee again, Gary made eye contact and nodded in appreciation. "I really had you no use for neither my brother or sister or parents arguments, spending my time in my room practicing on an old acoustic guitar I'd found at a yard sale." 

Andrea was listening intently "interesting, you haven't told me about your family before, I take it was nothing worth repeating" Andrea said taking a drink of her coffee.

"True," Gary said, nodding "it seemed to me I was their scapegoat for discretions they were guilty of but not willing to admit to." Gary took another drink of his coffee "I was seventeen in the dream I had last night." Gary explained "my dad entered my bedroom drunk out of his mind after an altercation on the main floor of the house." Gary started to well up with tears "that was the last time I seen any of them alive. Filled with rage my dad began smashing my shit and yelling threats while doing so. I was afraid of what this man was capable of and needed it to end. Not only for my sake but the sake of my family." Gary paused taking another drink of his coffee "it surprised me how easily I was able to lift the man off his feet when he attacked me and shoved him through the second floor tall window,  leaving the drunk bastard to fall from the second story."

Gary took a drink of his coffee and Andrea was perplexed "and did this actually take place?" Gary nodded keeping silent. "It's no wonder you didn't speak of them" Andrea said.

"That is not the worst of it," Gary explained "I relived leaving the house all over again." Gary squinted "I saw my mother and sister laying dead and bloody in the living room on my way out of the house, my brother was no where in sight and I had to make my escape on foot because my dad had smashed through the cab of my truck." Gary had another disgusted look on his face when he said "I loved that truck." Gary wiped a tear from his eye "it was my first." Gary took another drink of his coffee "I still do not like talking about them."

"Do you ever wonder," Andrea asked "do you ever wonder what your life would be if..?" Andrea stopped herself seeing her hubby shaking his head in disagreement "What?"

"I dislike that what if question passionately. It is among the only things in life I believe I will ever hate." Gary explained "it does not matter, does it? To me it is a useless way to kill brain cells. What if never happened and we should concern ourselves with what did."