The road trip (destiel AU)

part 4

"So? you promised me a Story." Dean remembered Cas the next day when they were sitting in the car again, the road ahead, the sun shinning from a blue sky and fresh Coffee in their mugs.

"It's a Long Story" Cas reminded him, a bit worrying about what was to come next.

"It's a Long road." Dean responded, he won't let go. Deans opinion was that Cas should speak about what ever weighed on his Soul.

"Okay then" Cas sighed. Maybe it was good this way, to speak openly about it. It would be the first time... he realized. Did he really never spoke about it? never open up to someone? Nobody before cared, he guessed. And now he was on a trip and suddenly a stranger was interested in him.

Cas took a deep breath.

"A few Months ago, i had kind of a cognition, if you know what i mean." Cas started, stumbling over his tongue, trying to find the right words. "It was like I woke up from a Long dream or a hypnosis. I was at home with my wife and our daughter at dinner and suddenly it was like 'what are you doing? Why are you doing this?' it felt like i should be somewhere else." Cas stopped for a second, knowing that he sounded weird. He glanced at Dean who just nodded. Not saying anything, or pushing him, just nodding like he understood.

"a few days it was like that. I was pondering. My live didn't made sense anymore. How did i ended up in a normal solid  small-town life? Day Job, wife, kid... What happened to all my plans? I wanted to travel, i wanted to draw.... i thought for the first time in a very Long time about it." Cas took another deep breath, staring at the waves in his coffee.

"Everything seemed Grey and pointless. My Job, the housework, daily life. And i didn't know how to escape that feeling to miss something, something important." Cas stopped. He reminisced in time, back to his old life. Back to the Family house with the front garden, the suburban neighborhood.

"Whats wrong with you Castiel? Listen to me. You don't even look at me when i'm talking. Do you even care? Why are you like this? Castiel!"

A hole in the road made the car jump slightly and brought Cas back from his thoughts.

"After some time, a desperate time,  i knew i had to go. I tried to explain it to my Family but they couldn't or wanted to understand. My Dad and a few siblings of mine live in the same town. They wanted me to be like them, ordinary, normal. But i wasn't. The first time i realized i wanted something else. Completely else, a totally new way." Cas stopped again, he stared the hole time out of the window, not looking at Dean.

"So you went?" Dean asked perplexed "You left your Family? Your daughter?"

"Yes, i left. After i had a terrible fight with them. Don't get me wrong, I love Claire. With all my heart. But I was going to loose my mind. I had to get out before i break." Cas tried to explain.

"what is with your daughter?" Dean asked.

"she is with my exwife. Claire has School and her friends there. She can't just leave. It was her decision to stay. But i'm still in contact with her."

"And after you had your journey, you go back or.....?"

"I don't think so." Cas whispered. "They don't want me there, i'm not longer welcomed in this Family."

"So bad?"

"worse"

Silence rose with twilight in the Car.

"Cas." Dean said after some time, both stared out of the front window, not talking "You are welcomed in this car, okay?" he didn't look at Cas but his voice was serious.

"okay" Cas whispered, Holding back the tears.

(AN: sorry for any grammar mistakes. I hope you all are fine :)  )