The road trip (destiel AU)

part 9

Several hours after his goodbye to Cas, Dean was still in town. Driving randomly around and around. He had no Destination, didn't know what he was looking for. He just turned the wheel around and around, turning left, right, left. Dean must have seen the whole town by now. But not the bus Station again. He couldn't get himself to take a look. To check if Cas was still there. He knew he wouldn't be. Cas would be far away by now. Probably he got in a bus and drove away, away from the town. Away from Dean. To the next City, the next adventure.

But Dean couldn't. He couldn't just let it go and carry on. Not as Long he didn't know what do to. Stay? Leave?

There was no Point in staying when Cas wasn't here.

But there was no Point in leaving when he didn't know where he could see Cas again. This was the place he saw him last. When he would leave now, he would probably never ever see Cas again. And that was something he couldn't do. He just couldn't!

Deans lips where pressed, his knuckles stiff and now his sight became blurry.

Gosh what was going on? He knew that Cas was Special, that he meant a lot to him. But that?? Was he really so deep into him that he was going to cry? He hoped not. Please no. Not if he would never see him again, not him. Don't let that Man be his one-and-only.

But he was. Dean was sure. He was sure when his Hands started to shake. When a single tear drop rolled down his face. When he passed by a road sign which let to the Highway but turned back to the City again. He was sure that he fell in love with him.

He should get a room for the night. Dean thought. He would just waist a lot of gas if he continue driving around. So Dean booked a small room in a shabby Motel. Nothing fancy. Just an old bed, a broken desk and a cold shower in the bath. Through the window he could hear the Cars passing by. The sun was nearly down and darkness floated the City. Out of the window, Dean watched the sun vanishing behind the Skyline. It was beautiful.

Where was Cas now? Was he thinking about him too? Probably not, even he was gay doesn't mean he would fell for a random guy who picked him up. Probably he was just one of many. Who knew with whom Cas would talk right now, or listen to Music or to whom he would smile in the morning and say good-night in the evening. Maybe he forgot about him already.

Was he jealous? Yes he was. And sad. And confused. And lonely.

Dean never felt lonely before. He was of course a lot alone, but never actually felt like it. He liked it back then, but now he missed the Company. Cas Company.

Dean laid down in the bed but it felt cold without someone else next to him. Laying there, listening to his own breath and the street noises, watching the ceiling fan going round and round, Dean felt so lonely and sad, like he never was before.

He missed the Sound of Cas steady breath. he missed the Little noise he made when he turned around in sleep. He missed the warmth of his Body pressed against him. he missed the feeling of Cas heartbeat. Dean missed the smell of him, his bright eyes and he missed Cas laughing. And he missed everything so much and intense, especially after their night together, that it hurts.

It hurt so much it was like a big, bloody hole was ripped out of him and he was bleeding now to death.

How could he came so far? How could Cas, a stranger he picked up on the road, somebody he knew not even for a week, have such an influence on him?

More tears dropped down his face but Dean let them. Suddenly he felt exhausted. So exhausted and tired. Tired of everything. He closed his eyes and cuddled himself into the cold Sheets, hoping the next day would be a better one. Or that it was just a bad dream and he would be back at the Impala with Cas by his side.

(AN: sorry for grammar mistakes :S and sorry if i let you wait... Uni and stuff.... okay... bye)