5SOS BSM Preferences

Really, really important note

I've sat here for twenty minutes trying to write this. I just... every time I sit down to write this, it just doesn't want to write itself. It just doesn't come out into words like I need it to.

I don't even know how to start this. I mean, this has been literally the most successful thing I've ever written, with 1.19 million reads, 18.2 thousand  votes, and 7.73 thousand comments. And I could not be anymore grateful than I am right now because of this book.

Because of the popularity of this book, and whatnot, I've gained three hundred followers in a little over a year. Do you know how crazy that is for me? I almost have a thousand followers on this website, and I joined in 2011, and I never expected any of this to come from it. Ever.

But, here I am. And I can't help but feel like I'm not worthy of all of this. My updating schedule is shit, I have tons of stories I never finish, and I always start new ones without finishing them.

Yet, I've never really felt that way with this book until recently. I always felt my preferences were up to par for the most part. I always enjoyed writing them, and I almost always could sit down and crank out a great (or what I thought, and so did you guys, it seems) preference without much trouble. They were a good length, and they had actual substance. And I updated a lot. Like, every week.

Recently, my preferences have fallen through the cracks. They're few and far between, not to mention they take me like four seconds to write, and they're not good. They're a few words, and they have no substance.

But, I feel so pressured into writing great preferences all the time, so I never update because I know that they're not going to be good enough. For a book with over a million reads, you begin to feel the pressure of so many people reading ad wanting good quality preferences, and I just don't feel like I'm giving that to you guys.

I started this preference book over two years ago, and I've had 117 written preferences in here. That was more than I ever expected, considering I started this when I was still writing my One Direction preferences. Which, I ended after 30 some preferences.

And I've gotten older. When I started these preferences, I was thirteen. I'm turning sixteen in five months, and while I love 5sos more now than I did when I started the preferences... I don't exactly love writing brother sister moments as much anymore.

When I was thirteen, I fantasized about having the boys as my siblings, or any type of relation to them. That's why I wrote this, because it was a way for my to live out how I felt. But, as the years went by, I got over that. I realized that all I am ever going to be is a fan, and I'm okay with that now. I didn't use to be, and these BSM preferences used to be my escape from all the reality.

These BSM preferences used to be my escape from everything. I fantasized about having the boys as my brothers because of the fact that I was depressed and hated almost everything about my real life. I wasn't happy with who I was as a person, my friends, or my family. And I had crippling anxiety.

That's why I went to counseling and realized that I could only get better if I wanted to. And I did. That's why a year later, I'm in the school play, taking dance classes, and planning on doing a lot of things this summer (acting camp, hopefully!) that I never would have done otherwise.

And so, as I got better, the preferences didn't. I overcame the idea of escaping reality, because I came to like reality more than the idea of having the boys as brothers. As much as that would be great, I just don't imagine it like I used to. It's not something I feel I need to do. And in all honesty, I feel like writing these preferences is one of the only things holding me back from completely advancing into a new stage with my writing.

I want to focus a lot on more 'serious' topics. I want to try my hand at writing full length, not fanfiction, stories. I want to focus on writing stories that challenge me. And these preferences just don't do that for me. I want to be able to get on Wattpad and update any of my other stories, without seeing this one and feeling like I have to update or I'm letting you all down. Or that I have to update this one before updating any of the other ones because of how long it's been.

I want to close this chapter of my writing, and move onto a more challenging one. I'm still as big as a 5sos fan as ever, and will most likely continue to be for a long time. Heck, I'm seeing them live in six months, so at least until then. I don't really see myself ever NOT liking them, but I definitely don't necessarily like writing about them in this sense anymore.

That doesn't mean I'm going to stop writing about 5sos. It's almost the complete opposite. I'm not going to stop writing about these boys. Have you seen my actual wattpad works? So many of them are going to continue to be about 5sos because of this emotional connection I feel with them. Just not in a brother sister kind of way. And I really hope that you guys, like me, don't see that as a bad thing. Because, truly, it's not.

These preferences aren't going anywhere, neither am I. I'm going to continue to write fanfiction and I'm going to continue to write about 5sos. But, only on this account. I created a new account, bandable and there, I'm going to be trying my hand at writing some teen fiction stuff, and see how that goes. So, if you want to see any of that kind of stuff, go follow me.

 But that's been almost 1100 words of beating around the bush, so I think it's finally time for me to say this.

I'm no longer going to be adding new preferences to my story, 5SOS BSM Preferences.

This is me putting the ending words on this story, and finishing it off, hopefully on a pretty high note.

I don't want you all to be sad. This isn't the end. This isn't even a goodbye.

This is a see you later, because I'm not going anywhere. I promise I'm not going anywhere.

When I was little, Disney taught me something really important

Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.

And I'm not going to forget this, or any of you. I can't thank you enough for every little thing you've all done for me. From every read, to every vote, to every follow, to every comment. I can't say thank you enough.

But, no matter how thankful I am, I can't keep holding onto this.

Signing off,

-Sydnee xx

you know i'll be, your life, your voice, your reason to be my love. my heart is breathing for this moment in time, i'll find the words to say, before you leave me today.