Break (A Kylo Ren Fanfic)

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This is it.

Today is my last day on Star Killer Base. Everything I have endured up to this point has been preparing me for the journey I'm about to go on.

All of the pain, injuries, suffering, and heartache was meant to get me ready for my mission.

I don't know whether I'm excited or not yet.

The plan hasn't even been full explained to me. Just my own role and exactly what I am supposed to do is all I have been informed of.

It goes like this:

I am to board a plane with a pilot that will be mock-crashed on the destination planet. I don't even know what planet I will be landing on.

The mock-crash will be done well enough for the people of the planet to believe that it was real and bad enough that my survival is nearly unbelievable. I will have to endure some injuries from this which I am not too excited about.

The pilot will escape elsewhere and find a deprecate plane to leave on after reporting on the status of the planet.

Then, I will desperately search for civilization. I, of course, already know exactly where I will be heading as I have at least gotten to see a map of the area where we're crashing and where I need to go.

I've almost become numb to the feeling of all of it. The possibilities are nearly endless as to what could happen to me and whether this mission will fail or succeed, but I'm disposable to them, so it doesn't really matter.

I could die as soon as I step foot near civilization, or I could be shunned, chained, imprisoned, tortured, enslaved. The list goes on. The probability of success is extremely low in my eyes and I've pretty much already accepted it.

I've already endured so much pain that I've realized it can't get much worse for me, which is why I am so willingly going into this.

The next part of the plan, if I don't get killed or anything of that sort, is for me to get insight on how they run their planet and how dedicated to The First Order they are. From that I will send messages to Kylo from an innovation they apparently worked on for a really long time.

It's a small bit that looks like a tiny magnet and its placed right behind my ear. It hurt for days after it was implanted and I can still tell its there, but it's invisible otherwise.

Somehow from this small chip, they will be able to tell if I am living or not as well as able to detect emotions by picking up on the firings of neurons or something like that that I didn't really understand. I'm afraid the chip can read thoughts as well but I didn't dare ask.

Overall I am just indifferent about this whole thing. I know I'll die either way and I almost find myself wishing I could go back to the way my life was before I escaped from my home planet, but something keeps me to fully commuting to regret.

Something makes me glad that I ended up where I am now and I'm not quite sure exactly what that is.

It might have to do with how I've developed as a person and how I've came to know a lot more. It might have to do with the new experiences that I've gathered like fighting and kissing. It might have to do with the new emotions I'm feeling such as anger and passion. I never really had any of those things before as a servant and now that I do I don't think I can say that I would give those up to go back to that life.

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A knock on my door brings me from my flood of thoughts.

Before I can even respond, Kylo steps through the doorway and immediately takes off his helmet, setting it on the new table that sits right inside my chambers.

I look at him in awe as I take in his features for what could be the last time.

Now, I wouldn't say I am in love with him because I personally don't believe in that, but boy do I get good feelings when I see him. After everything that has happened between us from the training to the more intimate encounters, I've grown attached to him in a way that keeps me yearning for more of him. I think he feels the same way.

"I'm reluctant to let you go tomorrow," he says lowly as he stalks towards me, his eyes clouded.

"And why is that?" I ask him with a small smirk on my face. I stand up straight and square off to him.

He doesn't respond, but instead he closes the gap between us very quickly by taking a few steps before yanking me to him by my arm.

My body clashes with his before I regain balance and I grab his toned arms for support.

"I'll miss this," he tells me, a small frown on his mouth as he dips his head to my neck. His lips make no contact with my skin. Instead he hovers at my neck.

"I know you will," I say, a hint of arrogance behind my tone. I feel his tongue swipe out against my neck.

He groans out a small response before pushing the sleeve of the singlet I'm wearing off and down my shoulder before licking a stripe across my collarbone. I mimicking his groan.

"I thought you said feelings cloud judgement," I tease, referring to a previous conversation we had after one of our passionate encounters.

"Who said anything about feelings?" He mumbles, trailing up my jaw before sucking on it near my ear. I let out a small involuntary moan before grabbing him by his hair and pulling him closer to me.

"Right," I breathe out, smiling as he looks me in the eyes.

"I'll miss the feeling of this, though." He smirks before throwing me on the bed and climbing on top of me.

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MY BEHAVIOR HAS BEEN UNACCEPTABLE.

I APOLOGIZE FOR MY ABSENCE.

For real though, babes, I'm so sorry this took so long I missed the last two weeks of school due to school related trips so i had no time to update but I should have stayed up late and done it anyway because y'all have been nothing hut supportive and here I am waiting nearly twenty days to update.

Golly. I'm sorry please forgive me!!

So I decided, when I have my school work under control, that I will make a separate book for the ones of you that wanted smut in this so that I don't have to have private chapters or make this a mature content book :)

I'll let you guys know when I make that happen. :)

love y'all so much!!

xx