Is this love or just lust, sir?

Introduction

Falling in love is scary. I'm not even going to lie about it. 

It's not the type of scary where you've just watched a really creepy horror film and your in your bed in the pitch black and you swear you can hear something which relates to the film. 

It's not the fear of spiders or the dark or whatever your phobia is. 

It's like nothing you've ever experienced. 

You feel these butterflies fluttering around your whole body, from my toes to your fingers to the hairs on your head, you can feel your cheeks burn and your heart pound when you catch a glimpse of them, the silly smile you feel your face doing when you remeber them and the way your thoughts just drift to them. And at the same time you feel this anxious feeling, do they even feel the same way about me? Do they notice me? Is their somebody else? Do they find me annoying? It's like half your body is sure of itself and that they love you back- and the other half is a set of doubt sure that you'll get hurt. 

But when you find that right somebody, where electricity runs through your veins when you touch and your mind screams it's prasises, the amount of doubt starts to shrink through time. You know that they have the power to crush your heart in the palm of their hand- but you trust them not to. 

I fell in love, at only sixteen I was head over heels for my history teacher. I met him when I was fifteen and at first I loathed him for stealing all my friends hearts and being a cocky teacher. And it all changed one night when two people shared a mistaken kiss. And then I turned sixteen and he...he seemed to be interested in me. 

I just started to fall. 

And I hated it. 

I tried to stop my feelings once they developed, I tried ignoring him and blanking him from my mind. I even tried to transfer out of his class. I refused to own up to my own feelings. And even when I did, I refused to do the normal thing. I tried to turn it off by using him. Of course it never worked. By the time Christmas came I was in too deep- I loved him. 

It's funny looking back, I can remember every single thing about his classes- the way my lips would curve up when he said my name in the register. 

"Yes Mr O'Miles." I would reply as I tried to cool my cheeks down by looking out the window. 

But at the time, I refused to believe I could possibly be in love. After months of wrestling with myself, I tried to convince myself it was only lust. Despite the question wanting to leave my lips sodesperately. 

"Is this love or just lust,sir?"