Is this love or just lust, sir?

Secret Option Four

"As far as I can see you only have three options for any of this," Maggie informed me, her blonde hair in a messy bun at the back of her head and a few loose strands framing her pale but fresh face.

After arriving late to school because of some dreaming of a certain history teacher, having to answer my mums integration (or questions as she says) on the phone, missing the bus to school then going him to at least fix my hair and get some food and then missing the next bus- I had dashed to Maggie at lunch and made us sit in an isolated part of the library where I had used the big books as a form of wall. From getting a 'WTF' look of Maggie with my wall building book theme, I had gone on to rant out exactly every single detail of Mr O'Miles and I love life- or lack of it- or too much of it.

"Okay..." I trailed off, hoping for at least some answers instead of all the questions that were looming over my head.

"Option One, you do the sensible thing and stop this whole thing. He goes on to become a teacher, you go on to do...your own Tina thing, and he becomes the wild mistake you made as a teenager." Maggie explained, pausing slightly in the middle when trying to figure out a way to describe what exactly I do- except day dream over Mr O'Miles, I lived the life of an internet and soap addict. The usual.

"Option two you two decide to wait till he's no longer your student and your at least sixteen. That way neither of you are potentially going to get in trouble." Maggie stated, picking up a big book on the history of the Barbie Doll Hairstyle Evolution and making an extra layer of the book wall I had rushed to build ten minutes ago.

"Or three you can have a sexy love affair, where you two get busy on his desk during lunch and you have code dirty talk like 'I'm gonna give you an F, you bad girl' and you'll be in your uniform but a bit more Britney Spears updated. And you can truthfully think 'I'm dating my teacher'"Maggie blinked innocently once she had said the last bit, finishing the layer of her wall.

Truthfully those three options had occurred to me, except without the weird dirty talk and sexy school girl outfit- but I had seen way to many flaws in each one to make me confident enough to go of my own judgment.

Option One- It seemed the most logical, even I can see that what I'm doing is not only beyond stupid but dangerous for both of us. All it took was me, him or Maggie now that she knew to open our mouths and I would be sat at home excluded and he would be excluded with his career over before it could even begin. It would be the thing that I regretted the most in my entire life.

But what if? What if I wouldn't look back at this as my 'wild mistake' - what if in two years time Mr O'Miles was still lingering in my mind and I had actual feelings for him? What if, this turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to me and I throw it away just to live by some rules which only effected me for a few more months? Mr O'Miles would surely forget me, and then I would just be stuck in some memory for the rest of my life.

Option two- it sounded equally as smart, it would mean than neither of us could get in trouble and people would welcome the idea of our relationship (or whatever it was) a lot more. It would mean I wouldn't be stuck in past memories and I could honestly look back and say that I tried my hardest to make it work. It would mean that we both were ready to try, not just some in the moment madness.

But could Mr O'Miles actually wait for me? It was the 14th October right now, could Mr O'Miles wait 5 months? Could he actually wait through Christmas, New Year and Valentines day without going off with someone else? And even if he did, what if it turned out it was just a waste of time- that we only liked a few bands and the rest of the conversation was spent on the weather as we sit their awkwardly? It would be just typical to rush into a waiting theme with Mr O'Miles and then it to turn out the conversation was limited between us.