Karma ||H.S||

Chapter 52

3 Months Later

The last few months of school quickly passed, and as I pack up my dorm room, I allow the sound of Halsey to play through the room. It feels like a long time since I've listened to her album, but for very good reason, her music reminds me of who I was at the beginning of the school year. It's strange to look back and remember that girl, because despite my falling out with life I had just a few months ago, I know that I'm far from being that scared, timid girl I was at the start of the school year.

Life is funny that way. It surprises you every day with things and experiences that help you grow, to be happier and stronger than the person you were the day before. And I can't be more content with the way things have turned out for me. Life gave me Harry back. It gave me Nova and Astrid and guys that I can actually call my friends, to the point where I know now that not every one is out to get me in some bad way. I'm lucky to have them all in my life, to allow me to see that people aren't all that bad.

I'm stronger now. And I know this because when I look in the mirror, I don't see a sad, lost girl anymore. I see that I have the tenacity and perseverance to do anything and go places I only thought I would ever see in my dreams. Being able to see this gives me a new-found sense of life. A view that I once had long ago, before the realities of the world took me down.

But it's good to have an understanding that for all bad things that happen to us, no matter how big or small they may be, they're there to remind us to keep going, to strive for better things and be better people, and those hardships just make us out to be the people we're meant to be. Independent and resilient to the point where nothing can bring you down.

I know that I'm going to come back to this dorm room next year and be reminded as to why everything happened the way they did this year. Because without all the craziness my life has fell upon, it really was a year to look back on and see that coming here was exactly what I needed to be who I am now.

I've taken the time today to really look at everything before I pack my things into boxes. And the fact that my cheeks hurt from all the smiling I've done looking at it all, doesn't surprise me. I've come across my hospital bracelet that I had used as a book mark in a book my new therapist thought I should read, and I'm instantly taken back in time for a brief second, to the day I had to tell Harry we couldn't be together.

"You and me—You know we can't be together, right?" I ask.

Harry stares at me like he's just seen a ghost. His wide eyed expression makes me shake my head and smile, and I can see him panicking inside."We're meant to be together though. You said it yourself. I know it, you know it. Everyone does. I'm sorry for the way things turned out. I promised your Dad I'd take care of you! How am I supposed to do that, if we aren't together?"

"Harry—" I try to interrupt.

"Paisley, please," he continues. "I know I can make you happy. Please let me make you happy every day."

"Begging isn't going to help you right now, Harry," I laugh. "Do you know that you're still incredibly annoying?"

He looks down at our hands clasped together with a slight smile on his face. I'm sure he is remembering how much I used to tell him that. He is still that same annoying guy he's always been, and I'm certain he knows it.

"What I need from you right now, isn't something I can get from you being my boyfriend," I tell him. "I think it's important that we take some time and figure a lot of stuff out on our own. I love you, Harry. It doesn't matter what's happened with us in the past, I still feel that way about you. But I need to love myself too. And to do that, I need to do that without you."