Publicity // Luke Hemmings & Lauren Jauregui

Chapter Fifteen : Award Shows & Emotions

Lauren smoothed out her laced black dress. Although she didn't know exactly how to describe the dress, it was no doubt unique. It a dress no one could particularly read, it wasn't something that was very simple. It was complicated explaining if the lace was a part of the dress at all. But all the girls wore beautiful dresses, most hair perked up, Ally wearing extensions, Normani's cut.

"Girls! Girls! Look over here!" One photographer yelled out.

"Girls, there's a sort of booth thing over there." Greene pointed to a room that occasionally flashed out lights. "You can take pictures and keep them, if you'd like."

Ally nodded, "Seems cool! We'll check it out later."

Normani groaned, "Aw why not now? There's no line, and there wipe definitely be one later."

"She's right." Dinah agreed, already walking to the booth. The rest of the girls followed behind Dinah, their heels clicking in sync.

"Okay, just press this button." Dinah mumbled, playing with the buttons on the camera. "And viola!"

She rushed behind the camera, going to the end and putting her hand on her hip.

Flash! The picture was taken.

The picture was printing out, they could hear it. It was almost perfect, just if the bloody printer didn't cut off Lauren and Dinah's arm. They both frowned a little, the other girls seemed to be happy with the picture, giving it to Greene to hold.

"Beautiful." He commented, stuffing the picture into his briefcase.

"Thank you." Lauren smiled, walking down the red carpet with her girls. They were making jokes, and talking about absolutely nothing. Gee, only one thing could make this better.

Well, actually. Two things.

Oh if only the boys were here, so they could laugh and smile along with the girls. The boys were the group of class clowns, the funny kind, who weren't very annoying.

But, since they're not, there was last one thing that would make the girls happy.

Winning.

To them, it wasn't just some stupid award. It gave them a memory that they could reflect back on. Make them reflect. It was a symbol of their journey. Being nominated was one big symbol. But the award would be a larger one.

Oh if they could only win.

-

The boys won. The Fifth Harmony girls were left with mixed emotions. What should they feel? Jealous? Happy?

Whatever, Dinah thought, its fine we'll win next time.

Good for them, Ally congratulated them in her head. Not bothering to say anything aloud.

Normani just smiled. Nothing particular going through her mind. She wasn't as close to the boys as the other girls, she felt jealousy. A tint of it.

I hope they don't get too much hate. Camila says to herself. She was well aware of the hate Calum was getting after being seen with her yesterday. Although we were in the lead, they probably deserved the award.

Lauren's expression was blank. She wanted to win, yes. But, didn't everyone in the category? She just wondered when they would get the award. She wondered if they were having a good show. She wondered if Rena was there. Congratulating him. Them. Being there.

Maybe, that's what she was jealous about. Not the award.

Being there.

Maybe she wished that Luke could be there, bragging about how the song won. Jokingly of course. He would hope that Lauren wouldn't get too offended, but if she did he'd offer to buy her drinks.

Maybe she wanted to be Rena. There with Luke, all tour. Maybe the next. All day. Everyday.

That's all Lauren wanted. To be happy. With someone.

Someone who wasn't Justin.

But, her and Luke were going to be separated anyway.

They weren't really dating, anyway.

It's just a project. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Management. It's only for that. If Lauren felt something, there was a problem. She had a boyfriend, and Luke had a girlfriend. They weren't sharing any relationship except one that ran on rules and restrictions.

I wish I met you by choice. Lauren thought. Then maybe I wouldn't have this problem. Things would be simpler. Hell wouldn't break loose. That would be great. Maybe we'd be together. Maybe not.

For now, I'm fine where I am. Lauren adds, not with you. But with someone else. He loves me. I just don't love him.

Complications. Don't you just hate them?

Lauren stayed in her bunk. Her blanket tucked around her body, her head sticking out. She had time to think about everything. Every thought cut her down even more.

What a shit of a girlfriend, Lauren sighs. Falling for someone that I technically work with.

Everything was hurting right now. She wanted to be somewhere else. Somewhere that was far from him. Because he the problem.

The problem that she's just going to avoid. The problem she'd just leave behind and forget about.

-

deep.

but i don't think anyone really understands what it feels like to be awake at 3am, your eyes just stinging from crying too much. I don't think anyone knows how it feels for your arms to feel so numb, it almost feels right. No one knows what its like to let your thoughts eat you up. No one understands how demons really affect you. How they over exaggerate things. How they make peoples tiny comments into big ones. They just enjoy hurting you. No one knows what real depression is.

That is why she's crying. Lauren is thinking of all the things she wishes she has, that she doesn't. Like how some want a thinner body, or just a happier life.

this is from my experience. Yes, this is mostly what you feel.

If you haven't figured it out yet, Lauren is depressed.

I love you, em x.