She And I

Special: The World is Wonderful 1969

"Hi Frida, here's Härlig är vår jord, a song you will sing for the upcoming Melodifestivalen."

...

Woah there. Last year was a breakthrough, --more of a return --and 1969 was a year of surprises. Indeed, it was an honor to be a contestant to the Melodifestivalen, and I was looking forward to join Eurovision if I would win the former.

I was shocked and happy by the fact that an ordinary jazz singer like me made it. I was indeed thankful to the supporters. At the back of my mind, someone else should have been there.

Yes, Anna deserved it more than me. I could not stop thinking of her, or perhaps she would be there in the contest. Now I got more excited, anticipating our reunion a year after.

When Ben learned about this, he was so proud that he wanted to hear and watch me live. "You deserve it sweetie. I cannot wait to see you beat them all." He was giving me confidence then, but someone else was in my head; not this dilemma again. I was staring blankly at him while waiting for our order (Again, we were dating that time). "What's wrong Frida? Are you even listening? Did an angel pass by?"

I winced. "Nope. I was just thinking of Melodifestivalen and its possible results. Can I even make it to win? I am certain that big time artists will be there."

He comforted me as he reached his hand and pressed it to mine, "Frida, you won't be there if you're not a good singer. You 'wowed' Sweden last year, what could possibly go wrong? I believe in you. I'll be there on that day." Then he pat my bangs, "You look cute with those fringes".

"Hahaha...very funny... Do you really mean that?"

"You look beautiful in every way. Stop being too modest of yourself."

"Stop playing words with me." When he heard of this, he gave me a smile then a puppy look. I simply replied, "Fine, I believe you."

He gave me a ride home as usual (though sometimes he allowed me to drive). As I was about to enter my home, he took my hand one more time and gave me a kiss (that's not a first). "I wanna tell you something."

"Hm..?" I was still trying to compose myself after that kiss.

"Whether you win or not, I am asking if you and me..." then he got nervous. He was muttering the latter words.

"What are you talking about?"

"Will you live with me then marry me? I am offering you my place."

I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. I just gave him a wink, then kissed his cheek goodbye. "I'll give you the answer after Melodifestivalen. Take care of yourself, okay?"

I see disappointment in his eyes, but I just cannot see the bigger picture yet. I was not ready to go to the next level with someone else, and that issue with Anna. But Ben was also the guy that I wanted. Despite these, I didn't want to be the foolish girl who fell for a man who would only leave me. This is hard. "Just give me time, okay? I'll give you my answer. I promise."

Day and weeks had passed, and the long-awaited moment is here. The nerves were really about to kill me. What if I cracked my voice? What if I trip? What if things go wrong? What if...what if... Oh! There was a lot of "what if's " getting on my nerves. I didn't know what to do. There were rehearsals, but this moment would make or break it. When will this end? And oh! What will I tell him? I haven't decided. He is a nice guy but... Too many thoughts were in my head, and I thought of my response to Ben after this. I saw him in the audience. He looked at me and smiled. As for me, my confidence was slowly building as the song began. Honestly, I was slightly sad that I never saw Anna. But I have to do this for myself and my country.

I cannot explain the exact feeling of performing that song which meant a lot really for an environment advocate like me. Some said that I was happily performing, and I was charming. But was that all? I didn't expect that much, and I knew that it was not enough for me to win. I only got a few votes, but it was okay, I still finished fourth place. It somewhat motivated me to continue improving myself.

After the show, I packed up and went out the back door. As I went out, I saw Ben standing there, waiting for me with a smile. He thought I cried when I DID NOT. "Hey!" He called my attention, "Why are you looking down? You still did great."

I just smiled at him. I almost forgot that I promised to answer his question. Oh my goodness! Was it even necessary? "I'm sorry that I made you worry. I'm fine, really." I stopped for a while as he offered his hand to mine. He pressed my hands again. I allowed him to do so, 'cause I found it comforting. Then he popped the question,

"Is it a yes or a no?"

Gosh! My hands were shaking though he was holding them. I was still having second thoughts, but I felt like it was real and I was beginning to fall. "Hey..." I said as I directly looked at him in his tantalizing blue eyes. "I know how much you care for me. I do like you. I don't know but these unexplainable feelings I have make me think that I am beginning to fall. I do not want to rush things, but I guess it's gonna be alright if I say 'yes' to living with you. But marriage is something I have yet to decide." I saw a bit of happiness in him, but of course saying "yes" to marriage just gives me jitters after all I have been. Yet I cannot even play with his feelings, because it wouldn't be fair that I like him and I like Anna. Yes, I sugarcoated things. I tried my best to hide everything, although I was already falling for him.

"Are you sure?"

"We're not kids anymore. We're young, but we should have learned a lot from our past. You and your ex; me and my ex. I am falling for you, but it's not yet clear if I am marrying you."

But then I saw him holding a box. I did not know he meant it. My heart was beating fast. She or him? She or him? Heartbeat...heartbeat... Think Frid...think... But a woman is meant for a man, okay fine... He opened the box for a while, and he was about to close it and...

"Wait!"

"Hmm?"

"I changed my mind. I'll say 'yes' to both. But I just want you to know that we should take things little by little. I do not want to rush. Like I said before, we're not kids anymore."

His face brightened like never before. He put the ring on my finger while I was still thinking of my true feelings. Given this confusion, I began to cry. And lo and behold, my body just voluntarily moved to him, kissed him on his lips for the longest time since we dated.

We stopped kissing and ...

"By the way," he said, "I want to introduce you to a good friend of mine. He is kinda my brother from another dimension. And I think you'll like his date. I think you've already known her."

I was thinking of Anna. My hopes are high again, although that would hurt me so bad that I was engaged and she was with my fiance's best friend. But still, I just wanted to see her one more time. I kissed Ben one more time, and we went home safely. It was a night! :)