She And I

I Wish

The next day...

Anna and I went out together as agreed yesterday. Although we were not supposed to be on break, we promised to work overtime on the next day. We were approved by the men to go out for a day. Besides, they needed space for their creative gear. We would still be there for them in case they wanted more, for the love of music and life.

Going back, Anna and I went out to walk, to shop, and to babysit. She just couldn't bear leaving her daughter behind. It's normal, okay? 

As usual, there were people who were staring at us. We were kind of superstars as you may call it, but I tell you, we were just keeping life as casual as possible.

Later on, we've decided to take a break at a coffee shop. While we were waiting for our orders, there were some customers who came near to us and asked for autographs. People actually knew Anna more than me,  and I never envied that 'cause she deserved and earned it.

[ FRIDSY DESERVED IT TOO. -ANNA  ]    😁

"Frida, what's happening? We were just average singers, then Eurovision happened. This life was simply wonderful."

I was staring at Anna while I was resting my chin on my hand. "And you made it more wonderful to me..." When I got conscious, I covered that hand over my mouth.

"What are you talking about Frida?" Anna laughingly asked as she took Linda out of the stroller. "You are weird sometimes."

"Me? Weird?" I was talking to little Linda as I was tickling her. Do you get the proximity between us? We were just beside each other, although the table was for four. I looked at Anna and grinned, "I meant you as in Anna, Björn, and Benny." I laughed after.

She seemed to be serious. She was looking at her daughter. "I'm really sorry about yesterday, Frida. I shouldn't have done that."

"Don't be silly. It was my fault. I shouldn't have stared at you that way." I was beginning to get serious at that time. I wish this could be the right time to tell her. "I'm even sorry for being preoccupied after that moment. I was just thinking of something else..." I looked away from her.

"What were you thinking about?"

I didn't know what to say. We just begun to be closer, and I didn't want to ruin that. Should I lie about it? But lying has been something she hated, even hypocrisy. "Anna...I...I..." I wanted to tell her. Try to conceal it, Frida. "I was just wondering if it is possible for a person to love two people. For instance, a woman may fall in love for a man and a woman simultaneously."

"You really are weird, Frida. If you're not thinking of green jokes, you are thinking of such ridiculous things. But I am talking serious here."

"I'm telling the truth." I insisted.

"Well, what you were thinking may be possible, but it won't be fair to the man or the woman if that happens. She just needs to choose, depending upon the circumstances. If I was her, I won't pursue the woman, because that won't be fair for the man." She put Linda back, then she held my hand. "Why would you even think of such a thing?" She raised her eyebrow.

"I just had some dream that I fell for Benny and another woman." I partly lied. I didn't tell that it was her. Remember that dream before the wedding?

"That's one heck of a weird dream!" Anna laughed. "It's just a dream. I am certain that it's not true 'cause you love Benny so much."

I wish I can tell you right here, right now. "I know. But what if it's true to me, would you judge me?"

"I won't. It will just be awkward, because I might assume you like me. I am more worried of Benny and the kids' reaction when they learn of that. I mean, one cannot hide from the truth. So yeah..."

"Oh! How I wish it won't go there!"

"Wait! What? Are you?Are you? Are you?" She gave me that shocked look.

"No! No! No! It's not what you think it is. I love Benny so much."

"But honestly speaking, if you were a boy, I would definitely go out with you. You're really funny and dependable. You're smart. You're caring. Do people of you and Björn's age are like that? Haha!!!"

I was stunned. I wish I could have told Anna the truth. I mean she likes me. Oh my goodness! I looked away in shame.

"Hey Frida, you're so red! You look cute!"

"You are funny Anna. I don't know if I can answer your question. I cannot generalize." I pinched her cheek again. It was just a gesture.

"Time flies so fast Fri." Anna looked at her watch. "We have to go home, baby. Daddy wants to see you tonight 'cause he's so tired. Are you ready Fri?"

"Yeah. I'm ready." We paid the bill. "By the way Anna, never ever mention anything I've said to anyone; not your husband, and definitely not Benny." I told her with one hand on top of hers. I was looking at her in the eye.

As we got up and walked to where we parked the car, Anna asked: "Why wouldn't you want anyone to know it?"

"I just do not want to complicate things. I know how much B and B are busy, and I don't want to make things awkward among us." After we put the stroller inside the trunk, and Anna, Linda and I got inside the car, I continued, "Imagine if I tell them about it, they might think differently of me. It might complicate their work, particularly Benny." I explained as I drove ourselves home.

"No matter what happens, I'll still be here for you. You're my best friend." Anna smiled. "We support Aunt Frida, right?" Anna asked Linda, and the baby girl smiled at her mom.

We got home safely; safely in the arms of our beloved. But...

I wish we could bond more.
I wish I told her.
I wish we're together.
I wish could accept what's in store.

Let's call it a day for the love of music and life.