Carry Me Home

Fifteen

Evelyn

It was a constant cycle. My sub-conscious spinning words round and round in my head. My hand automatically reaching towards my anaesthetic. The sting and red liquid emerging from my arm paralyses my stability leaving me vulnerable to the demons in my mind.

She never came back though. She stayed away. She realised that her actions and her words turned me into an emotionless monster.

"You're not eating breakfast today, Evie?" Hayden asked, looking utterly confused as to why I refused to eat breakfast. He couldn't understand why I didn't want to eat. No one could.

"I'm planning on getting some fresh air," I lied.

"Do you want me to get you anything?" I shook my head, forcing a fake smile onto my face to divert Hayden's attention away from me. "Evie, come on! You haven't been joining me at breakfast for a month. I miss you," he moped, tugging at my arm like a child begging his mother to fulfil his commands.

"I've just been busy with all the assignments, Hayden. Don't worry."

"Evie, you get the same number of assignments as me and I'm not that busy," he replied, crossing his arms across his chest looking very unconvinced by my fib.

"You know I tend to write essays for simple questions, Hayden, it's nothing to worry about." I was about to walk away when he grabbed my arm, threateningly close to revealing the danger zone. I winced but he didn't seem to notice thankfully.

"Do you promise to tell me if anything goes wrong?"

"Of course, Haydie," I tip-toed and pecked his cheek genuinely because to know that he cared was enough to fill me with joy. He watched as I walked away but I tried not to acknowledge his presence as I sauntered off campus.

I had no idea as to where I was heading but any place was better than my room. I sat on an abandoned bench that creaked under my weight. I tried to not let it bother me and focused on the scenery surrounding me. The calm breeze of the wind making the branches on the tree sway along to the rhythm. The tweeting of the birds provided serenity to the atmosphere yet that serenity couldn't neutralise the war inside my head.

"How're you doing on this fine day, Angel?" I hadn't even acknowledged Rowan's presence next to me until he spoke up.

"I'm fine," I replied, keeping my gaze away from the direction of his face.

"I don't like it when people lie to me, Angel. Hayden told me you've not been eating, is that true?" He spun me around slightly so that I was facing him and his intimating stare.

"I never knew you were my psychiatrist now."

"There's no need to build walls around you, Angel. He also told me you winced when he grabbed your arm. What have you been doing?" Fuck! So Hayden had noticed yet chose to dismiss it until he saw Rowan. Thanks, Hayden!

"Hayden's grip was a little too harsh, that's all."

"One thing I don't understand is why you try to keep up this façade of being this happy, strong woman when in reality you're trying to get through one day without breaking down into tears. Why do you do that?"

"Because showing people that you're vulnerable gives them the opportunity to attack. I don't want to be attacked anymore."

"You're always talking metaphorically but can you talk in a literal way just for once, Angel. Just so that I can understand the situation better."

"Rowan, I'm asking you this as nicely as I can but could please stop doing this? I don't like it. I feel like you're poking into my privacy without any sort of permission."