Carry Me Home

Sixteen

Evelyn

"Are you sure you want to go through with this, Evelyn?" The clinic was directly aligned with the car and I could see it perfectly. The white coloured walls made people go mad but to keep them from swinging between insane and sane the employees were there to help. From the cleaners to the doctors, everyone was cheerful and helpful.

"I'm sure, Uncle Noah." He nodded and allowed me to get out of the car without any further interrogation. To add to my already glum mood the weather itself decided to be gloomy with the continuous downpour creating puddles on the pavement.

I entered the building and was greeted with a burst of warmth. The scent of hot chocolate was distinctive in the air and was highly inviting. I scanned my eyes over the place and nothing had changed. The receptionist caught my eye and beckoned me over.

"It's lovely to see you again, Evelyn. How have you been?" she asked, searching through the stack of papers beside her.

"I've been ok," I shrugged.

"Dr Hall is ready for you and I believe you know the way there." I smiled and nodded. I retraced my two year old steps and opened the door, revealing a middle aged man with a clipboard seated on a grey fabric sofa. He turned his head at the sound of my footsteps and a wide smile appeared on his face.

"Evelyn! Please do take a seat," he said, arising from his previous spot. I sat on the sofa in front of him and instinctively began twiddling my thumbs. "How have you been?"

"Fine."

"Ah, the infamous limited replies from Evelyn Lawson. How's university? The last time I saw you you were sixteen and were very adamant on taking Psychology."

"University is ok."

"Have you made any friends?"

"A few."

"What're their names?"

"Hayden is my best friend. Rowan and Caleb occasionally appear since they're friends with Hayden." He nodded and wrote some notes down in his usual illegible handwriting.

"I'm happy that you've made progress. I also understand that your flashbacks have returned, is that true?"

"They appear when I'm feeling down."

"How often do you feel down?"

"Depends on what happens during the day. Sometimes I'm in a really good mood because I had an amazing hang out session with Hayden and then sometimes I'm in a depressed mood because I've been lonely or something's happened."

"What triggered the self harming?" He caught my eye at the exact moment he finished the question and neither of us spoke. He wasn't speaking in anticipation of my answer and I wasn't muttering a word because I didn't want to answer that question. "Evie, we have to get to the bottom of this."

"I just entered my room and a girl was there. She said some things and they kept on repeating in my head even after she left. I unconsciously picked up the blade and committed the act."

"Do you regret it?" I shook my head surprisingly. "No?"

"I don't regret it because in that moment I felt free. I felt free of all that stress and burden pushing me under. I was released from all of that for a short period of time."

"You're willing to scar your arms to be released from your mind?"

"I'm willing to do anything to be set free from this barrier in my head. This barrier is keeping me locked up and I want to escape." I kept my gaze fixated on the painting of a bird in the corner. How I wished to be a bird.