Carry Me Home

Thirty-Two

Evelyn

I didn't care about his feelings no matter how much he tried to make me sympathise with him. He didn't have to go through years of misery from the age of seven. All he had to do was attend parties and flaunt off his pathetic wealth.

"Angel, look at me." The fact that Rowan used his endearment on me after a long time didn't even deflect me away from my thoughts. I heard him exhale loudly as he pulled me closer. "Angel, look at me."

I slowly turned my head in his direction and waited for what he had to say.

"Your father has made a lot of mistakes, I know, but he wants to talk to his daughter, Angel. It's been almost nineteen years since he last saw you, so don't prevent him from doing that. No one is asking you to forgive him, god no, but just hear him out. You might come to know that what he did wasn't his fault. Perhaps he was persuaded by some other reasons beyond our imaginations to leave you and your mum," he pleaded, his exterior softening as he spoke.

"Rowan, I refuse to talk to a man who didn't even glance back at the woman he said he loved. Is that what love is to some people? Because of him I denied myself the joy of opening up to someone and letting them love me. I closed myself off because love was a deception. An illusion. It simply didn't exist for me. Why? Because my father lied to my mother about his love for and then left her. You don't leave the people you love," I ranted in exasperation. Rowan didn't even flinch at the way I was yelling but just seemed to be in deep thought.

"People leave when they're trying to protect their loved ones. What parent would want to leave their own child alone? That parent would have to be one of the worst human beings ever. I'm not the greatest fan of my parents for the reason that after Grace died they put on this facade that everything was ok with their lives, and straight after her funeral they went back to their daily lives. I hated them for that but I understood why they did that - it's their way of grieving. You may hate your dad, Angel, but I believe that he does have a reason for what he did."

He paused his speech and gripped my hand tightly, "just talk to him."

"But my mum-"

"Your mum would want you to talk to your dad. She wouldn't want her daughter to be without her father. Trust me, Evelyn, you'll regret it in the future."

"Have I told you how much I hate you?" A small smile started to form on his face but he shook his head at my question.

"You've told me how much you love me though which is practically the same thing. What is love without hate?" He kissed my forehead softly and I tried my hardest to erase the grin slowly erupting on my face.

"Very peaceful, that's what." Rowan laughed gently before releasing his hold on me and telling me to go and talk to my dad.

I had no intention to hear Mr Lawson's explanation for being a non-existent being in the past nineteen years of my life but sometimes you have to sacrifice what you want to let your life carry on. There wasn't anything in my mind that told me to forgive my father and live happily ever after with him but moving on and reeling back all the pain he gave me was something I wanted to do.

As I delved deeper into the hall I could spot him staring into nothing whilst holding his champagne glass with a tensed hand. Looking at Mr Lawson now there was no doubt in my mind that he gave me half of my genes, and the desolate expression on his face was obviously drawn on because of me.

"Mr Lawson," I coughed out as soon as I was a metre behind me. He turned around and his eyes immediately reflected his hope and happiness at my sudden arrival.

"Evie."

"Despite I having no interest in hearing what you have to say, Rowan convinced me to listen to you. So you have one chance to say what you want to say before I walk out again."