5SOS Blurbs

You should read this.

Hey guys. So, big news.. I'm going back to high school in September for a full year so I can graduate ! I know people are gonna read that and be like "okay? tons of people do that" But here's the thing.

For the past two to three years I have dropped out of school, gone back and dropped out again. I've moved, I've given up and I've let my anxiety take complete control of my life.

Anxiety isn't fun to have, and there's a stigma that almost everyone has it but honestly Anxiety is different from just basic nerves. I wont get into a massive rant but basically my anxiety stopped me from doing things, I never left the house, I stayed in my room. I couldn't go into grocery stores or out with friend's without having a huge breakdown over it, and it took everything from me.

I've been doing therapy on and off for 3 years, high school was the worst for me. I had people who HATED me and never let me forget it, I was skipping classes, dating stupid boys who were bad influences, I also had anger issues. I would snap at the littlest things, start fights with people for nothing and constantly bring people down because I figured "If I can't be happy with myself then why can they?".  I've seen hell the past year and a half, I've had people come and go. I've had heartbreak and love. I've seen it all and done it all at this point.

But almost two weeks ago, something changed.

It's going to sound absolutely stupid but I watched a YouTube video by Rory Kramer called "The Lake Life" It was a video montage of how he spent most of his summer at this lake with his friend's and yeah, it looked so fun.

All I kept thinking was "Why can't I have a life like that?" "Why can't I go out with friend's or plan cool trips or just be free?" Then it happened. I broke down. I could've slapped myself across the face for thinking such stupid things.

Yes, I have anxiety and yes I struggle to leave the house or to even have people come over. But I am stopping myself. I'm the one turning down invites, cancelling plans, deciding I wont do school, I am the one in control of my life.

I have the ability to do anything with my life and with myself, I am capable of graduating, I am capable of going places and living my life without being terrified.

I was asked the other day by my Nan "Why did you choose to write a travelling story?" and I thought for a minute to myself, Good question. Especially when I've never even travelled before.

I answered "Because this story inspires myself to do the things I wish to do in life, there's nothing stopping me just like my characters"

I know this is a long ass message, but I wanted to basically show you that YES! It is possible to overcome mental health issues, and yes it is okay to be scared and it's okay to feel out of place but it is not okay to put your life on hold for something that can be fixed, or made manageable.

I'm not 100% on what I want to do, I want to write, but I want to be into music.. Yet I also want to get into photography and videography. I have plenty of ideas, and it's in my power to make them happen SO I'm going back to school.

With that being said, I'm mainly letting you in on my life to possibly help you or someone you know who's struggling with things that I go through on a daily basis.

Also, with school starting in September I have to take classes until summer to stay registered so I start those in about a week. I will be focusing on school a lot, yes. But I'm not leaving you guys behind in the process. This account and my stories are my life, they've helped me get through tons of shit so all I'm saying is my updates might not be frequent but they will come. Please wait, and continue this journey with me.

With all of my love, Ash.