I Trust You

Part 16

Baz

Snow had always eaten like a pig but stayed skinny, looking at him now made me want to sob, he couldn't even hold himself upright, it must have been at least a week since he had eaten anything at all. He was a mess of a person, if he could even be called a person that was. His legs were like sticks and his clothes hung off him. His eyes were dull and sunken in. If Simon dropped dead in this very moment the police would think he had been that way for months already.

He invited me in and his voice was hoarse as though he hadn't used it since that day. Maybe he hadn't. I walked into the house and nothing had changed, it all looked untouched. There was a thin layer of dust over everything and with a deep breath I walked towards the bedroom. The sheets were the same, unmoved, unwashed. Simon hadn't been sleeping. It seemed that he really was dead.

"Simon, I'm so sorry."

My voice was loud and warm. At this moment in time everything about me was loud and noticeable in comparison to Simon, I'd had Penny forcing me to eat and hunt on a regular basis. He'd had no one. I hadn't been there for him even though I had promised I would never leave. The sound of it, my voice, made him flinch.

We spent the rest of the day together, I tried to make Simon eat but he refused. He tried to refuse blood too but once I had taken a pouch out of my bag, he practically leapt on it. I couldn't leave him alone, not like this. What if a mouth-breather came to the house?

"Snow, I would like to stay here tonight. I'll sleep on the sofa, you don't have to be near me but I - I need to make sure you're okay."

He looked up and whispered, "You called me Simon before."

"Simon then, can I sleep here tonight? Please." I was practically begging and he smiled for the first time that night.

"You can, on one condition."

"What? I'll do anything, I just want you to be okay."

"Don't sleep on the sofa. Sleep in the bed, with me, like we used to. Just for tonight. You can leave again tomorrow if that's what you really want but please, just for tonight, let me hold you." His voice was breaking and his eyes filled with tears.

Holding back my own tears, I told Simon that I never wanted to leave him ever again. We agreed to collect my stuff as soon as possible for me to move back in even though we both knew it was too crazy and way too fast. I slept in the same bed as Simon that night and he held me as tight as he could, which wasn't very tight at all. Hugging him made me feel even worse about the situation because I could feel all of his bones and I could see each individual rib when he rolled towards me.

I stared at his sleeping face and finally allowed my tears to fall. His face was still somehow beautiful despite the fact that his cheek bones could cut. His eyes were dark with lack of sleep and yet they flickered open to look at me.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean -"

"Baz, I love you so please just shut up and go to sleep."

"Aren't you worried I'll hurt you? I killed Agatha."

"No Baz, she died in an accident." He said in a tired voice.

"Because she was driving after I had scared her! Please, I don't want to kill you too, Simon."

"So don't. I trust you, why can't you?" He pleaded while looking into my soul and I knew he meant it. When I looked back I saw nothing but pure despair and love.

"Simon," I repeated, he muttered a humming sound that urged me to continue, "I won't hurt you, I believe in myself."

"Goodnight, Baz." He said rolling into me with a smile I hadn't seen in months.

"Goodnight, Simon." I replied and as his eyes drifted close for the final time that night my throat let out a whispered confession for only the darkness to hear, "I love you, Simon Snow."

The End