Never Letting Go || CS

Chapter 32: And He Let Her Go

Killian eventually dragged himself off of the floor and headed back to his ship with his head hung low.

"Glad to see that Emma's gone now, it means we can be together." Milah said, smiling triumphantly.

"It's not good that she's gone, Milah. Don't you dare say that." Hook snapped as he stomped towards the helm. One of the men had already took the initiative to untie the ship.

"Alright, sorry." Milah snapped back sarcastically as she followed Hook. "It's just, now I get you all to myself without that pretty blonde distraction getting in the way." Milah said nastily.

"She was a lot more than a pretty blonde distraction." Hook protested as he began sailing the ship out of the harbour.

As soon as Emma turned the corner, she ran. She ran as fast as she could, until her legs burned and her heart was pumping out of her chest. She ended up on a hill overlooking the peaceful harbour. It was funny how one place could look so calm whilst a whirlwind of emotions were raging on inside Emma, tearing her apart from the inside out.

Emma watched as Killian's ship sailed gracefully out of the harbour. And as if Emma's heart wasn't already shattered into enough pieces, she felt it break even more. She felt her emotional pain manifest as physical pain in her chest as it tightened. Emma started hyperventilating as she clutched her chest.

Emma fell to her knees and screamed as she pulled at her hair. She curled into a ball in the long grass let out loud sobs, although no more tears were shed. No, Emma Swan was broken beyond tears, and possibly beyond repair, for the only one who could cure her of her pain had sailed away, along with her heart in his hands.

Killian had his gaze set on the horizon for hours, not paying the slightest attention to anything around him. Not even Milah, who would approach him every now and again trying to get him to notice her.

It was now night time, and the crew had gone to bed hours ago. Killian was still at the helm, sailing the ship although he knew he should get some sleep. He didn't think that was possible, not without Emma beside him.

The silence of the darkness gave Killian a chance to brood on what had happened over the course of the past few weeks. Each individual choice we make affects our life in some way. If Killian had just controlled himself, or even not gone to Neverland at all! Then Killian's life would be a lot better. He'd still have Emma by his side, to hold and to cherish until the end of his days. And if he ever had the chance, boy would he.

Just the thought of life without Emma made Killian want to die. He wanted to ground to swallow him whole just so he wouldn't have to suffer a life without his beloved Swan. Actually, if Killian were to die today, he wouldn't mind one bit, because a life without Emma Swan, was not a life worth living.

Eventually, the sun rose and the crew emerged on deck ready to start the day and brought Hook out of his dark thoughts a little. The crew also missed Emma, they felt she was like family to them. Milah was just a nuisance, and the crew didn't like her much. She seemed different from when she was last on this ship, so they men weren't too pleased about her being here in the place of Emma. But, they sucked it up and got on with their day, trying their hardest to ignore Milah without being straight out rude.

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Two grueling weeks without Emma and Killian was a wreck. He'd gone back to drinking all the time, he'd not slept in well over a week, and he'd let his hair grow far too long. It now hung over his eyes, casting dark shadows over his face, making him look rather dangerous. Like one wrong move would make him snap and lash out at whoever was the nearest. Which was what had happened a few times over the last few weeks, usually on unsuspecting crew members who'd done nothing more than ask him a question. They all knew why though. Hook struggled without Emma, guilt, heartbreak and sadness taking over his soul.

Life without Emma made Killian realise just how alone he was in this world. Not physically, of course not, he had his whole crew. No, the type of alone you feel when you're in a room full of people, but you're just not there. When you feel isolated from the world even though there are people surrounding you.

One night, Killian was, as usual, drinking away his sorrow. Milah came and found him in the dining area of the ship and sat beside him. Killian didn't acknowledge her presence, just stared into oblivion, taking a swig of his rum bottle every now and again. Still, Milah watched him, waiting for him to say something to her.

After about an hour, Killian finally spoke up. "Is there a reason you're staring at me, Milah?"

"Uh yes. There is." Milah said, shuffling closer to Hook and running her hand up his thigh. Hook immediately understood what Milah was insinuating. At first, he was going to turn her down for the hundredth time this week, but something inside him yearned for a distraction. Something to get Emma off of his mind, even just for a moment.

So, as Milah leant over and kissed Killian sloppily, he didn't object at all. In fact, he grabbed her hips and pulled her closer.

For the rest of the night, all Killian did was think of Emma. What he thought would make him forget Emma, just did quite the opposite.

Killian had finally managed to get some sleep sometime after midnight, b it it was quickly interrupted by more of his nightmares. He sprang up from his laying position, panting and sweating as usual. The sheets fell onto his lap, exposing his chest to the cold.

That was Killian's first nightmare in months. Emma always helped with his nightmares, and every since she started sleeping with him, they disappeared completely. But now, here he was at God knows what hour, trying his best to calm down, only wishing to be in Emma's arms, her hugging him tightly, chasing the nightmares away.

Killian looked over to where Milah was laid asleep, not noticing his distress.

Killian realised Emma was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he let her go.

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a/n I am proud of myself for linking this chapter with the Prologue (if you hadn't. Noticed it was the bit in italics about half way through the chapter. Sorry for the filler chapter but this just had to be said. :)