Miles To Go

Chapter Sixty-Three

Regina's heart was pounding as Ruby let go of her blouse with a jolt. Her cheek was throbbing, the slap to her face certainly came unexpectedly.

"I want you to tell me what the hell you think you're going to accomplish acting the way you are, hurting Emma the way you continue to, day after day and I am not leaving until you tell me why!"

Why? That was the ultimate question. Why? Why was she pushing Emma out, why was she hurting her, emotionally and physically? Why couldn't she feel anything anymore? Why had she turned into someone even she herself didn't recognize.

Regina smoothed down her shirt, the material pulled in a way that made the blouse a complete loss. She grit her teeth and sat back down at her desk. With a click of her tongue, she pointed to the chair in front of her desk.

"Take a seat, dear."

"Regina, I'm not taking any shit sorry excuse from you. Emma is falling apart because of you!" Ruby said through gritted teeth, moving to take a seat. "Why are you doing this?"

Regina clenched her jaw tightly. "Why?" Regina asked smoothly as she folded her hands over the top of her desk. "You ask me as if that is an easy question to answer."

"Yeah, I guess it's hard to come up with a reason why you've turned into such a cold bitch, huh?" Ruby snapped and Regina regained her composure as best as she could, trying in vain not to let Ruby's words affect her. "Why are you being like this?"

"I don't know why."

Ruby laughed incredulously. "You don't know why? Are you freaking kidding me here, Regina?"

"I assure you that I am not kidding you, dear," Regina sighed and she glanced down at her hands, more specifically her wedding and engagement ring that sparkled under the lights in her office. "I'm not sure how to explain my actions as of late because I am not sure what has triggered this feeling of...detachment to be honest with you."

Ruby scoffed, unconvinced. Regina unhinged her jaw, fighting her resolve to stay calm. This was why she had retreated within herself. It was the bitter anger she felt deep inside of her she didn't want to slip out, not on Emma and not on anyone else.

Anger, that's what it all boiled down to, didn't it? Regina hadn't allowed herself a moment to think of where it all stemmed from. She buried herself in work, avoiding going home and interacting with others as much as she could and she had succeeded thus far, until that morning when Emma just couldn't leave her alone. Things had escalated far too quickly and the situation had spiralled out of control so fast, the worst of herself slipping out as she had forced an unloving touch to her wife in the worst of ways. Even now she could taste the bile rising in her throat at the thought of hurting her in such a way, it wasn't how marriage was supposed to be, not now or ever.

It was unforgivable. Everything about the way she'd been acting for the last week and a half was unforgivable. How could she make things right again, how could she let go of the anger that brewed and bubbled and burned hot inside of her, anger that consumed her from the moment she realized how guilty being thrilled that her mother was dead had made her feel?

"I'm very angry," Regina said quietly. "I cannot seem to contain it or control myself when I feel this way, can you understand that?"

"Everyone gets angry, hell, I'm pissed as hell at you right now!"

"Understandably so," Regina said, a small bite to her voice as the anger started slipping through once more. "I never wanted her nor anyone else to see this side of me. This is not who I am, this—"