Atelophobia [Raphael x Reader]

Chapter Seventeen

**trigger warning?**

(Y/N) sat out on her terrace, her head in her hands. She had too many thoughts swimming around in her mind. Her eyes hurt from all the tears she cried. (Y/N) just didn't have any clue what to do.

She was wrapped in a blanket she went inside to get, concealing her hurting arms even more on top of the long sleeves. She'd done it again. She broke. And she sat outside, trying to collect herself before she did anything drastic. She was out there to do something drastic, but she sat down, and she called the first person she thought of.

Raph.

She hoped he'd get there soon. The thought of how easy it would be to get up on the ledge and just fall kept eating at her, and she found it more and more tempting as the seconds passed, only making her more confused and frustrated.

Suddenly, there was a soft thud beside her and (Y/N) looked up. Raph was standing there with concerned eyes. She couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped her lips when she laid eyes on him. He started walking towards her, and (Y/N) wiped at her eyes for maybe the twentieth time.

"What happened?" Raph asked slowly.

(Y/N) didn't know. All she knew was that she just couldn't stop thinking, and she couldn't stop crying. She thought terrible things, all things she could do to herself. The only reason why she was on her terrace was because of her terrible thoughts, anyway.

(Y/N) mumbled a quiet "I don't know." Into her hands.

"You don't know?"

"I-I don't know, I just... I'm scared." (Y/N) admitted.

"Of what?" Asked Raph.

(Y/N) was quiet for a long time. She didn't want to tell him, but she knew she had to tell someone, or else she'd hurt herself. Besides, she trusted Raph. She hoped and prayed that he wouldn't see her differently, that he'd still like her, at least tolerate her after. (Y/N) took a deep breath. "Myself." She said quietly, just above a whisper.

She peeked out of the corner of her eye to see how Raphael reacted. He had a small frown on his face as he stared at her, but he wasn't angry. (Y/n) didn't know if she was just being hopeful or if he really was concerned. He sat in the chair next to hers, looking at the building across the street, his elbows resting on his knees. Raph turned his head and looked at her, seemingly confused.

"If it makes sense." (Y/N) muttered.

"I—yeah it makes sense." He sounded a bit sad.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

"Don't be sorry." Raph said quickly. "You shouldn't be sorry you didn't do anything."

(Y/N) knew it wasn't what he meant, but she couldn't keep herself quiet. "I almost did."

Raph straightened. (Y/N) felt him staring at her, but she didn't look. She only closed her eyes tight, making more tears spill over as she took in a shaky breath.

"That's... Why I..."

"Were you going to—(Y/N), what were you thinking?"

"I don't know!" She said, sniffing and wiping her nose with her long sleeve. "I don't, I really don't. I just know I was thinking and I just..."

"What was it?" Asked Raph.

"I don't—"

"(Y/N)."

(Y/N) shook her head, feeling more tears well up in her eyes. She didn't want to dump everything on Raph and burden him. But he kept pushing her to tell.

"There are people at my school—"

"Who?"

"Everyone? I think. But mainly a girl called Chanel and her friends. They don't... They don't like me too much, so they always call me useless or a waste of space."

"But you're not." Raph said immediately, staring (Y/N) down with his striking green eyes. "You know you're not, right?"

"They just say it all the time, and sometimes I start to t-think it, too." (Y/N) shrugged and looked towards Raph.

"You shouldn't think that!"

"What?"

"(Y/N) so many people care about you! Don't be stupid! Your mom, Mikey, Donnie, Leo. Don't forget April and Casey. A-and me. I–we care about you so much, (Y/N). Don't let some stupid girls who don't have any idea what they're saying let you forget that!"

(Y/N) bit her lip to keep herself from crying anymore. When she finally felt okay enough to speak, she opened her mouth. "Do they all really care about me?"

"Yeah."

"And you, too?"

Raph looked a bit taken back. "Yeah."

(Y/N) smiled. She felt her cheeks heat up, and for a moment, she was glad they were outside in the dark. Then her smile slipped away.

"Raph?" She questioned.

"Y-yeah? What is it?"

"Do you think... Do you think maybe you could stay? I still don't trust myself to..."

Raphael hesitated a moment, but the me nodded. "Okay. S-sure."

"Just... Not long. You don't have to if you don't want to."

"It's okay." Said Raph. "I want to."

(Y/N) was worried it would be awkward, but after she calmed down, she found it easy to talk to Raph. They talked for what felt like hours on end, and surprisingly, (Y/N) felt comfortable. She felt like how she did with her mom, just a bit more warm inside. Finally, (Y/N) grew weary and decided it was time to go to sleep.

She said goodnight to Raph and started inside, but then she turned around.

"Raph?"

He looked back at her. (Y/N) gave him a tight hug, her head resting on his chest. "Thank you."

"Oh, no—it was no problem."

(Y/N) stepped back, waved a small wave and went inside. When she peeked back out the window, there was no sign that Raph was even there.