Secrets (Sequel to Vampire? TVD FanFic)

Part Thirty-Two

I woke up after a full night sleep and felt a lot better... For about three seconds before all the weight of the guilt I felt for turning my humanity off and what happened afterwards fell on me like a ton of bricks. My breathing picked up as I tried to get enough air into my lungs, but it only caused the panic to rise even more.

What had I done? All those people... They had families and friends and I killed them. I vowed I would never become the monster Katerina was, but I had become something much worse. I remembered the day she had come into my home and ruined my life, smirking whilst I watched my parents die... But what I had done was much worse. I had broken hundreds of families by slaughtering all of those innocent people. I could picture the police officers standing at their doors telling them the news that their loved one was found dead in a hotel room, or alley way, or a ditch somewhere. The pain that they must be feeling.

"Hey, hey, Becs, it's okay," Tyler hurried into the room as he had done every morning for the passed four days that I had been staying there for. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug until I calmed down, listening to his heart beat.

"Thanks Ty," I sighed, "I'm sorry for being such a burden."

"You're not a burden, I like having you here, I missed you whilst you were away. Here," He smiled and handed me a glass of my rationed blood for the morning. He'd helped me set up a blood detox for myself to get my hunger under control again. Tyler had been amazing these passed few days. "You do know you'll have to face the others soon though? Caroline's getting suspicious that she can't come round."

"I know, I just want to get a handle on my emotions and hunger before I see them. So that I can prove that I'm okay," I sighed. "How is everyone?"

"Damon and Stefan are upset more than anything, although Damon's pretending he's not. Elijah is going out of his mind; him and Klaus are in a massive feud because he let you leave. Jeremy is surprisingly concerned about you and has offered to help find you, along with Caroline and Elena. There's only so much distracting I can do until they get Bonnie to do a locator spell and find you here," Tyler said with a shrug.

"I know, I just need a few more days," I said, looking over at the half finished painting that was standing at the end of the bed on a huge canvas.

"Do you really think that it's a good idea to have that in here whilst you sleep? That can't be helping," Tyler followed my eye line. The second day I had been hiding out here, I found a huge empty canvas and began painting each face of the people I killed, writing their names beside them so I would remember each of them. I felt as though if I finished this painting then I could move on from it all, but the canvas would be a reminder to myself to never turn off my humanity again - no matter what happened.

"I need to see it. I need to accept what I have done and find a way to move forward, and this is how I will do that," I shook my head and stood up from the bed. I grabbed some paint brushes from the side and my paint pallet and began to work where I had left off the previous night.

"Okay, I've got some things to do, so I'll give you some space and be back tonight," Tyler got up and kissed my cheek before heading to the door.

"Bye Ty," I called after him before focusing on the task at hand.

I don't know how long I had been painting for, but it was dark outside by the time I heard Tyler come back in. I put my paintbrushes down and walked to the door, "Ty?" I called.

I frowned as I didn't get a response and walked down the stairs, listening out for any noise. I swear I had heard the door open and shut. I stopped in the entrance hall and walked to the door. Opening it I peered outside, listening to the breeze rustling the trees. There was no one out there. I heard a glass smash from somewhere in the house and shut the door again.