(No Control | Holding Me Ransom - You Bring Me Home)
April 2026
"Hello, can I book a private delivery suite please? My wife is thirty six weeks pregnant and we live in London but we'll be visiting Cambridge in a couple of weeks' time to see her parents so I would like to make sure we have a suite booked just in case she goes into labour while we're there. Thank you, yes I'll hold."
The lady on the phone takes all my details - or rather, Jess's details. They assure me there are a number of private suites available and that ours is booked for the entire duration of our visit to Cambridge. Jess has been adamant that our third child won't arrive early but although she is right about most things she is also incredibly stubborn sometimes and will not listen to reason. I decide against telling her about the private booking at Rosie Hospital in Cambridge, and instead save the number in my phone and hope we won't need to use it.
I had pretty much forgotten about it until I feel a sharp nudge in my back early one morning a couple of weeks later whilst lying in bed at Jess's parents house.
"Harry! Harry! My waters have broken!"
I roll over in bed. Jess is lying on her side, staring at me with wide eyes.
"What?!" I'm half asleep, part way through a dream about shooting at the enemy in an abandoned warehouse in the middle east. I really need to stop playing video games late at night with Calvin.
"Well, either that or I've wet the bed," she offers.
A quick check beneath the duvet confirms a large wet patch underneath her nightie. I pause, trying to gather my thoughts away from enemy care packages and into the impending arrival of a baby.
"Bloody hell. OK, um, let me think... we need to get you to hospital. Have you rung the maternity ward?"
Her eyes are panicked. "I don't even have the number for anywhere in Cambridge! I wasn't expecting to go into labour this early! And I don't fancy attempting to make it back to London!"
Oh how glorious it is to be right once every few years.
"Good job I did my research then, isn't it," I beam. I pick up my phone, scroll to the maternity admissions number, press Call and hand it to Jess. "There's a maternity hospital in Cambridge - Rosie Hospital. The labour ward number is in my phone."
"How did you...?"
She is staring at me while the number connects, a look of disbelief on her face.
"You were so adamant she wouldn't arrive early, but I just wanted to be prepared," I shrug. "I brought your hospital bag with us, too, just in case. It's in the boot of the car, so we're ready to go."
"Oh hi, my waters have broken," Jess says into the phone. "Just checking it's OK to come in...? I'm not sure, I've just woken up about two minutes ago to a wet bed... No contractions yet."
I watch Jess as she conducts this phone call with the midwife, marvelling at how calm she is now that the issue of the hospital has been solved. Usually it is Jess putting out fires so I am always incredibly smug when it is my turn. Jess is giving her details, and then a look of surprise passes over her face and she looks over at me. "Did he? Oh, wow, I had no idea.... yes, I suppose he is a keeper. Just don't tell him I said that, haha."
She hangs up the phone and surveys me with a mixture of exasperation and amusement.
"You booked a private suite? I'm not due for another two weeks!"
"Yet here we are, about to head down there," I point out, barely concealing my smugness. "Do you need a hand getting dressed?"
"I'm having a shower first," she announces, rolling slowly out of bed and peeling off her wet nightie.
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