An Imperfect Beauty and Her Beast

You Know Nothing

When I woke up from a dreamless sleep, my mind felt foggy. But a bad feeling nipped my body like a wake up call. I immediately shot up from my bed and winced at my sore torso.

"Son of a bitch," I muttered while I rubbed my sides.

I soon heard running as Gina burst into my room.

"You're awake! Oh thank God!" she hugged me, making me wince again.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay, I guess. What happened?"

"You tell me. I was getting ready to call you guys when I heard the doorbell ring. Matt was crying and you were unconscious next to him on the porch."

"I-I don't remember anything. The last thing I-"

My face went pale and my heart started beating faster.

"What is it?" Gina looked at me worriedly

"I need to see Matt."

"He's downstairs. Are you sure you don't want to rest some more?"

"I just really need to talk to him," I said as I got up and quickly made my way down the stairs. Matt was conscious in the woods after I blacked out, maybe he saw what made that sound. One way or another I was going to find out what made the growl and what brought us home. I know for a fact that Matt can't carry my dead weight, especially in a situation like yesterday.

"Matt?"

"Giovanna! You're awake!"

He ran to me and hugged me tightly. I didn't mind my torso this time. I was just happy to see him.

"Hey, how are you doing?"

He shrugged, "I'm better. But what about you? I was so scared."

I could see his eyes glaze over and I realized how much I worried him. I pulled him into another hug a whispered, "Hey, it's okay. I'm here now. Both of us are safe."

I heard him sniffle in my shirt and hugged him even tighter.

"I thought I was going to lose you."

"You're stuck with me kid," I said with a weak smile. "But I have to ask you some questions," I continued cautiously.

He looked at me with his big hazel eyes and simply nodded.

We took a seat in the living room as I wondered how I was going to question him without frightening him anymore than he already was.

I can't poke around the bush here. I need to know and that means directly questioning him.

"Do you know what made that growl?"

He stayed silent and stared at his hands.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"C'mon you know me! I'm totally open to crazy things," I snorted as I said, "What? Was it a werewolf?"

His face stayed serious.

"Wait. Start from when the guy turned around when I was chasing him."

My mind was racing for an explanation. I couldn't seem to piece anything logical together.

"He turned around and that's when I really saw the gun. I was so scared he was going to shoot. He kept his arm over my mouth while he carried me so I couldn't yell. I wanted to bite his arm, but he was wearing something thick. And then I saw the other guy coming behind you. I was crying and shaking when I saw you pass out. Right before you closed your eyes I saw it. It was this wolf thing. He had this fluffy mane and huge claws and he stood on two feet-uh paws. I didn't know who I was scared of more. He started attacking the guys and I fell on the ground. I tried pulling you out of there, but I didn't get far when the thing caught up with me. His voice was so loud when he told me to stop. I couldn't stop crying and I didn't know what to do. He said he wasn't going to hurt us and that he wanted to help. I was scared that he'd take you, but he just carried you and walked with me as we found the path back to the house. He left us on the porch and rang the doorbell. After that he sprinted on all fours back into the forest."

I could feel his hands trembling in my lap, which only broke my heart even more. He snuggled his head into my chest as I played with his hair. Ever since he was a child, playing with his hair has been the most efficient way to calm him down.

"So he's literally a beast," I said. I didn't know what to do with that information. It didn't settle right within me, but I let it be.

* * *

Every morning I woke up, I felt unsettled. Gina and Matt refused to go near the woods. I didn't fight them on the topic, even if I was curious. Our family's curiosity tends to cause us a lot of problems. So I stayed away from the pull and focused on every day tasks.

It wasn't until two weeks after did I feel like I was having a midlife crisis. I couldn't stand doing the same things over and over again, no matter how much Gina thought it was good for me. I was just about to start college, I needed to do something before I'd be studying my ass off.

"Please?"

"Why? Why would you want to go back there? Aren't you sick of that place already?" Gina asked.

"No!"

"Aren't you scared then? Because I am. Giovanna, you have no idea how afraid I was when I saw you two on the porch. We lost Mom and Dad, I can't imagine losing you or Matt."

"I just need to break away. I can't stand this repetitive life! I can't live like this!"

"Is this about Jesse?"

I sighed in anger and shot daggers through my eyes. "Why do you always have to bring him up? Why! For fuck's sake, Gina! Take your head out of your ass already!"

"Giovanna!"

"This isn't about Mom, or Dad, or anyone! This is about me wanting to live!"

"Then why didn't you go with him? Boston was your dream and you passed it up like nothing!"

"You know why I made that decision!"

"Then don't complain that you can't live when you had a choice!"

I looked at her like I could create the apocalypse with my very eyes.

"Screw you!" I yelled before heading toward the front door.

"Where are you going!"

"To Boston, where else!" I yelled, dripping with sarcasm.

"Giov-"

I slammed the door before she could finish my name. I kicked pebbles as I walked along the road toward town. I wished I had grabbed a jacket before I left, but it was too late now. I know how terrible this looks. I'm the teenager and she is my older sister. She knows better. But she just doesn't get it. God, that sounds so angsty. How pathetic.

I looked up, only for my eyes to land on the woods.

I really hope I don't regret this.

With one glance over my shoulder, I ran.

* * *

I felt stupid for walking around here. The tall trees made me feel like I a spec in the woods. I was cautious as I looked every direction almost every moment. I was annoyed towards the fact that I couldn't even feel safe in a place that has been a favorite niche of mine. I missed the comfort it gave me. But I guess none of us are truly safe in this world, huh?

I pushed my boundaries and continued past my usual spots. Events flew through my mind like the wind rustling leaves. Everything felt like it was yesterday. I counted years, so easily passing that it worried me. The idea of time going too quick shrouded over my shoulder like a tiny devil. The mixture of memories and impending what if's spiked my anxiety levels. But instead I resorted to deep breaths and constant hand twisting.

The joy of anxiety.

But my sarcasm can never cover the utter fear I feel from anxiety. It's like no matter where I am, I can't escape it. Anxiety is like my shadow, and I'm afraid it won't stop following me even if the sun has set.